h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Then what's this?

[uses the Force to lift the Blob three and a half inches above the ground and lets go]

Hey,YK, that was a useless waste of a good floor!

* Stares down through hole in blob's wake

Hmmm... can the Force be used for floor repairs?

I speck.

[uses the Force to repair the floor]

Um, I hate to tell you this, but the Blob's still on the other side.

Ah well!

* Sits on newly repaired floor

[Jacculus falls through what is actually a Force illusion, which vanishes]

[through hole in floor] Hatred is the path to the dark side.

[A pie from below hits him in the face]

I can't get back!

* Claws desperately at slimy tunnel walls

Help!

* Falls with terrible cry

Oh! Here you go!

[YK throws down a rope with a weight attatched to the other end; the weight is pulled over by the weight of the rest of the rope, knocking YK into the hole with the rest of them]

YEE-HE-HEH-HUH-HA-HA-HOO!

[or something like that]

* The lid of the hole closes inexorably over. The brave comrades are enclosed in pitch blackness, with no sound save the whistle of the air through which they fall

*starts ragged mechanical breathing*

Your powers are weak old man, you should not have come back. When I left I was the learner ,now I am the master, the circle is now complete.

*skin changes to a tall black outfit complete with helmet and Lightsaber of the red variety*

Join me YK, give in to the dark side and we can rule the Galaxy together.

*notices the error with this scene and cuts off YK's left hand*

YK, know this; I am your father.

You're not fooling anyone, you know. My dad works as a proofreader on a planet called Earth. And besides, I'm over there! [points behind Blob, who gives him a look which gives an impression of incredulity that someone thinks he'll fall for that. YK disappears and Blob gets whopped over the head by YK's disarmed lightsaber] Cheeze, don't you know to believe a Jedi when he tells you something!?

*continues mechanical ragged breathing*

Impressive, there is a tremor in the force I have not felt since...
He is here.

*whips out double bladed lightsaber*

Come on YK defend yourself like you were fighting the real Darth Vader. I am the new Sithlord; Daft Vader.

*swipes out at YK who only just manages to avoid being cut in half by the blades*

(Oh and sorry about your hand!)
Now we will see who is the stronger in the force.

*time freezes to give a perception of action where there is none*

I was under the impression that Darth was a title, not a name.

And that was an illusion whose hand you cut off. [hacks the left blade of Daft Vader's lightsaber, rendering it inoperable]

[parry, parry, block, swing, parry, swing, LUNGE! And miss completely]

*pulls out sharp rubber band*

you will join us or die

*decides he can't wait that long and pings rubber band at YK*

[It deflects off the wall and hits Jacculus' arm]

OW!

Yes, my reflexes are fast to the point of getting out of the way of a moving rubber band. [A Gastly floats in and zaps its tongue at YK's lightsaber, only to find that said tongue is now in YK's hand] Don't do that again. [The Gastly says, "Ueaugh!" in alarm, gets free, and flies away]

i shall now use the deadliest weapon in my arse..nal.

*pulls out tub of pocket lint*

take that you fetid gruntbuggly,

*lobs lint at YK*

*commentator steps into the room* How can our heroes survive this situation? Will the dumb but possibly evil Blob kill them all?
Find out in the next thrilling episode of.urgghllpnarrrmin....... *the commentator or narrative guy gets hit by the lint*

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

i shall now use the deadliest weapon in my arse..nal.

*pulls out tub of pocket lint*

take that you fetid gruntbuggly,

*lobs lint at YK*

*commentator steps into the room* How can our heroes survive this situation? Will the dumb but possibly evil Blob kill them all?
Find out in the next thrilling episode of.urgghllpnarrrmin....... *the commentator or narrative guy gets hit by the lint*

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey i seem to be stuck in some sort of time loop

hey i seem to be stuck in some sort of time loop

Uh-oh... this seems to be contagious!

...

How should /l/ know!?