h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The weather is cold outside
and all I want to do is slip and slide.
So, let it snow, let it glow,
let it flow and let it blow.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
but the snowfalling is delightful.
My knees are knocking
as the cold is so shocking.

I play on the slides and swing
as I go and do my own thing.
I am going to grin and bear it
as I am aiming to keep myself healthy and fit.

Making snowmen is what I like best
in this wonderful snow fest.
Some may stay in
and play soulfully on their violin.

They don't know what they are missing
as some prefer cuddling and kissing.
But I prefer to play in the snow
as I watch the snow plough by the chateau.

Knees up Mother Brown.
Knees up Father Brown.
Under the table, they will go
wearing their favourite gown.

If I catch them bending,
I'll cut their aprons off.
Then they'll start ascending
to the clouds above.

Knees up, knees up,
when dancing the can-can.
Followed by a kitten and a pup,
around my old man's van.

Don't get the breeze up
when floating up in the sky.
Watching a salesman shouting out yup,
who's being presented with a blackberry pie.

There will be a total eclipse of the polar vortex.
It will be shown on the GFS midnight run.
They will be losing their reports and their specs
as they go to their Star Trek phasers that are set to stun.

Now and again the meteorologists get a bit lonely
as they are never coming around.
Because of the lack of boloney and mascarpone
lowering temperatures will cause frozen ground.

Now and then the meteorologists, get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of their tears.
They do all that is required even though they are uninspired
when facing their unexpected weather fears.

To cater for cats is a Sisyphus task
but harbours its own reward
to empty a litter box may be hard
on your nose but a bird or a mouse you can get
- and you don't even have to ask

the pheasant is present
and lives in the now
not in the future
nor in the past
it doesn't know how

wailing werewolves
baying at the full moon
as if there was a wake



awake is only me, though
because i'm not as full
i wail and wish i were ...

Homo Sapiens is the only species
known to ask questions
it knows it will never be able
to receive answers to.

Some of the individuals recognize this
and go on to spend their time
on something more constructive.

Others feel a strong need to invent
answers that make some kind of sense
to everything
and that they can live with
and that they can convince themselves of
the correctness of.

Some of these answers
involve an invisible friend,
often an elderly gentleman,
who lives in a place
they call heaven.

This can seem cute when kids do it
(but increasingly disturbing
if it goes on for more
than a few weeks or months.)

However, when adults do it,
it is considered
completely normal.

i feel so lonely
in this airlock
sans my towel

the vogon chanting
is unnerving
ev'ry vowel

(continued)

- - -


grunt for grunt
huff after puff
i've had enough

ears are sore
please open up
this airlock door

through empty space
without a sound
i then will race

April showers
Bring Mayflowers.
Mayflowers bring Pilgrims