h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually, on second thought - it says, of course: "WE APOLOGISE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE"

I was at a crematorium yesterday for a funeral and I saw a 'it is illegal to smoke in the premises' sign.

Or maybe it's trying to say, "Disregard this message. The real message is in the sky in that *other* universe."

Yes actually I was amazed, these religious lot. I believe in God but I think it cannot be proved one way or the other if he exists, so why not be nice.

I can't sing and I'm not going to be forced to do it, but hey man they was really good singers and hated me for not opening my mouth.

Like I said, I can't sing so I aint opening my mouth to pretend to, and if they object enough, I'll just kill em.

You were better off keeping your mouth closed. They would have heard you sing, and complained about your singing. You couldn't have won.

Was there a sign that said you were supposed to sing?

Maybe someone was using sign language?

Yes, I think I prefer the Mozart style of funeral where they just chuck the body in a big hole do the sign of the cross and leave quick.

I must say the funeral directors made me nervous, they looked like three grim reapers.

not really a sign, but then it uses two:

if a londoner calls you Upton Park he means you are two stops short of Barking

I don't know where you get all these interesting facts from Pierce.

In general I like London girls but dislike the loud blokes, they have a language all of there own.

In fact, i'm english and I never bothered to learn their language, don't know german either, know a little russian though like 'trolleybus' and 'toilet' and 'beer' .

In general, I like farm areas. It's great to drive past fields of tall corn and observe all the "YIELD" signs next to the fields.

"beware of crop circles"

I just saw a picture of a ground mole with his stuff tied in a bandana on a stick. The sign said "Ground Mole Removal call..."

Sign on a store: In God we trust. All others pay cash.

Message on a bumper sticker:

"Please don't honk. I'm pedalling as fast as I can."

One I've always wanted to put in the back screen of my car:

"I can't play golf either".

I can't play golf or drive; I used to drive artics and never got a ticket for anything ever. My mum wanted me to sell her car but I aint got a license so I can't, but my brother has and he told her it is worth £966, so I paid for a proper quote between of £2000 and £2500 and so he let the tires down.

Need a sign to keep conmen away.

douglas mentioned a bumper sticker reading "my second car is also a porsche"

maybe I should have one reading= "What second car?"