Journal Entries
We apologize for the inconvenience
Posted May 12, 2001
Douglas Adams is no longer with us. I've been a screwed up wreck searching desperately for answers to the questions of life ever since reading HHGG at age eight. Thanks for showing me that you could sometimes throw yourself at the ground and miss, Doug.
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Latest reply: May 12, 2001
This world spins, but not for you
Posted May 1, 2001
I think what my office needs is a big black cauldron that the women can use to brew potions in when they're not otherwise occupied scheming, gossiping, or going into hysterics over nothing.
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Latest reply: May 1, 2001
What Kyoto protocol?
Posted Mar 30, 2001
Well, it's official. A FUNDAMENTALIST DOOMSDAY CULT HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION ON EARTH. Explain that one to your kids as you tuck them in.
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Latest reply: Mar 30, 2001
27 trips around the sun
Posted Mar 28, 2001
My birthday came and went quietly. I spent it at work arguing with some jerks about policy decisions in place on the mud I help operate. Felt like a bit of a waste. Least I got out for a quiet dinner at half-time... Aude brought me a piece of cake, Jana called to say hi, and Karen sent me an e-card. Guess there are worse things than to have a bunch of women coming out of the woodwork to brighten your day up.
I'm feeling... sort of out of it today. I'm really beginning to lament time's inexorable march... I took note of it before, but didn't feel it so acutely. How terrifying it must be reach one's 50's and have the unsettling prospect of one's own mortality confront you so brutally.
It's not that death is so frightening... it's that you suddenly become tragically aware of how little of the time you've had so far you've used to its fullest potential. But I suppose that's chasing clouds... most things that live just live in the moment, and the intrinsic value of that moment is enough to make it what it is.
I'm off to bed soon. I'll ponder this as I fall asleep... in a universe this tragically grim and hostile, whence comes all this beauty and aestheticism? Is it something inherent in that which observes or in that which is observed... or is there any difference?
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Latest reply: Mar 28, 2001
Send in the clones
Posted Mar 14, 2001
Yes, Ma'am, you're pregnant, or at least you will be shortly. Yes, I know, quite a shock, isn't it? Let's see... I know it's sort of soon, but have you considered yet what gender you want it to be? No? It doesn't matter?
*brings up a template on the computer*
What about eye colour? Hair colour? Height? Disposition? Personality? Sexual orientation? I.Q.? We'll just make sure to flip that cancer gene off. There we go. Oh, look at that, an atavism. We'll just excise that.
Now I'll just go over some of our more exotic features with you, you know, in case you want the option. We can splice in a bit of this amphibian gene here to increase the porousness of the kid's musculature, it'll make him/her a great athlete. Virtually no side effects. How about nightvision? Piece of cake. Claws? Fur? Gills? A tail? Scales? No? Well, I had to ask. Let me just run the template we have against the Smithkline database to make sure we're not infringing on any patents... ah ok looks clear.
Ok, now for the big question. How many copies of that do you want? You haven't made many changes, so it'll be pretty obvious to everyone that the kid is a straight clone. Sometimes children whose parents didn't spend a lot of money on fancy designer templates can get picked on a lot in school you know. I think maybe just grow one now, and we'll freeze up some samples for later in case this one dies or winds up being a defect or something.
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Latest reply: Mar 14, 2001
Twophlag Gargleblap - NWO NOW
Researcher U109577
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