h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, Ma'am, you're pregnant, or at least you will be shortly. Yes, I know, quite a shock, isn't it? Let's see... I know it's sort of soon, but have you considered yet what gender you want it to be? No? It doesn't matter?

*brings up a template on the computer*

What about eye colour? Hair colour? Height? Disposition? Personality? Sexual orientation? I.Q.? We'll just make sure to flip that cancer gene off. There we go. Oh, look at that, an atavism. We'll just excise that.

Now I'll just go over some of our more exotic features with you, you know, in case you want the option. We can splice in a bit of this amphibian gene here to increase the porousness of the kid's musculature, it'll make him/her a great athlete. Virtually no side effects. How about nightvision? Piece of cake. Claws? Fur? Gills? A tail? Scales? No? Well, I had to ask. Let me just run the template we have against the Smithkline database to make sure we're not infringing on any patents... ah ok looks clear.

Ok, now for the big question. How many copies of that do you want? You haven't made many changes, so it'll be pretty obvious to everyone that the kid is a straight clone. Sometimes children whose parents didn't spend a lot of money on fancy designer templates can get picked on a lot in school you know. I think maybe just grow one now, and we'll freeze up some samples for later in case this one dies or winds up being a defect or something.