h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Wonders if Spiny noticed that large dog poop that he ran through on his way to the conservatory and how long it'll be before what's on his shoes cancels out the smell of the flowers...*

Oh, I do love the rain!

*Leans grinning against a sheltered wall, sips her beer and watches the romantic couple with interest as Mari-Rae's nose starts to curl and Spiny looks round the conservatory in confusion*

OOOH! Dwat that Gwennie!

*realising that 1.they have to get back inside where it's warm and the booze is 2.he has to get the stuff off his shoes 3.the current effect is like being behind a waterfall, Spiny says (in his best Mohican accent)*

I WILL find you - no matter how long it takes, or how far!

*kissing Mari-rae lightly on the cheek, he is gone. Disposing casually of a shadowy pursuer encountered on the lawn (who is heard to groan "Magwar's heart has grown still"), Spiny climbs up a trailing Wisteria to a narrow ledge. He shins along it to a conveniently-open second floor window and jumps inside. A scream is heard*

Sorry Madam, here - put this on. Now then:

GWENNIE! WHERE ARE YOU?

"Gwennie's ....ahhh...all tied up at the moment. She's asked me to take all her message for the next month or so."

Pandora's quite right! ;-) I'm rather conveniently somewhat indisposed at the moment. Sneaks off to: http://www.h2g2.com/F35772?thread=53832&post=623794 before Spiny can locate her.

Drat and double drat!

Where did she go?

*Not only wet, but now is very much alone in the dark conservatory. She puts her arms into the sleeves of Spiny's jacket and wraps it around her, shivering. She feels something heavy in the pocket and peeks. ! A small flask of Glenlivet!! Hooray! She takes a tiny sip and huddles down in a corner. Takes another small sip.*

*Sneaks back in to hand Mari-Rae a bottle of warming ginger wine as a form of peace offering and absconds before Spiny catches up with her*

Get that down yer my girl!

Thanks!! Love ya! !! But wait! Don't leave me here all alone!!

*She sits down again, disconsolently, waiting for the storm to end.*

Oh, all right then!

*Sneaks back and sits next to Mari-Rae*

Pass the bottle, there's a dear! You know, technically I shouldn't be here as I'm all tied up round Pandora's page at the moment...

*Takes a swig of ginger wine*

Still, this is nice and cosy.

*Leans back against the wall to watch the rain*

*a muffled roar drifts over the lawn to the conservatory*

GWENNIE! DON'T MAKE ME COME AND LOOK FOR YOU!

*a talking crow alights on the conservatory roof and stares at the huddled figures inside*

"You know, that's one stupid hedgehog."

Oops! Spiny still sounds pretty annoyed with me!

*Takes another sip of ginger wine as she smiles at the talking crow and says to Mari-Rae*

I wonder how long it'll be before he "returns to base"?

I don't know, but this has been one hell of a birthday! *Clinks glasses with Gwennie.*

*Clink*

Cheers, me dear! *Glug*

Have you ever tried vodka and ginger wine?

Oh well. No sign of that Gwendoline person anywhere. Guess I'll go and see if the party's ended up in the kitchen like they always do.

*enters kitchen accompanied only by the sound of his own echoing footsteps*

They have all gone and lefted me! Huh! a party that only lasted two weeks? What's happening to Researchers these days? *lifts solitary ice bucket with bottle of champagne* An' this is warm as well! Never mind, I'll take it out to Mari-rae. She still owes me four more dances by my reckoning.

*goes out of the kitchen door and round the side of the castle, then round the other side of the castle, then round the third side of the castle*

Phew! Trust me to go the long way round. *sees the two figures huddled over a bottle in the conservatory* GWENNIE! I... oh heck, what were we fighting about? Here you go girls, have some warm champagne... *sits down beside them*

"I still say you're a dumb hedgehog!"

*A huge bird dropping falls from above, splashing into Gwennie's glass, making her look up at the large bird with resignation*

Thanks! That's supposed to be lucky is it?

Cheers Spiny!

*Dispenses with her glass and takes a swig from the bottle which she raises to Spiny & Mari-Rae*

By the way, did you guess my full name was Gwendoline or have I told you at some time in a previous existence?

"LUCKY?! Squawk! I'll have you know that was pure skill!"

He has a point there.

Cheers! *takes bottle back and swigs from neck in approved decadent fashion, hands it to Mari-Rae*

Nah, Gwendoline was a lucky guess. And judging by your activities elsewhere, a good name for you too, for was Gwendoline not the hero of a famous saucy romp in adult literature? I mean...you know...I've heard...

Gosh! Really? Which "work of literature" would that be then? Not that I ever read "that sort of stuff", naturally....

*Shelters her drink with one hand and glares at the large bird which squawks at the group of friends*

Actually, my mother always calls me "Gwendoline" when I've annoyed her, so prefer to be called Gwen or Gwennie most of the time. It's not that I dislike being called by the former and actually like the name, but it carries a psychological abhorrence with it.

*Takes a swig. Pours a bit into a plant saucer for the crow. Passes the bottle.*

I hate when people call me 'Mare'. Makes me feel like my butt has gotten suddenly enormous. I don't know which book you're refering to. It sounds like a goody, though. (guessing) Tom Jones?

Er...*blushes*... well, I haven't read it myself you understand, but it seems to consist of a lady called Gwendoline and lots of rope...