h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We need to greet the New Year with a clean page, as we are both, at this time surplus to requirements (Though at least you've had some offers of pineapple aid!!)
Popped a card round to his place, and when I got home an email telling me, ever so nicely that hes in a new relationship.
Had thought of that one and it explains the blankness, but it is an old friend who got in touch through friends reunited.
He said after I made it clear casual was not for me and its all he wants, along she came, and I can't really be angry, just disappointed that I was so easily replaced.
He says she knows thats all it is and is fine with it, but thats such an empty, sad situation, and he said I was worth more than that.
I really thought he was too.
Maybe some people are happy to settle for so little, but even though the temptation to slut about was tempting, not with two kids, who I want to look up to me.
I've worked too hard bringing them up on my own to loose their respect, if they ever found out I thought so little of myself, and indeed poor old Doug.
How on earth have you coped for so long??
Moan over, and I think it would be no bad thing, maybe to take one of these ladies up on their kind offers??
Hark at me, and it has n't put me off, but I am just so rubbish at picking them!!
Do you have any nice late 30s plus buds who need the love of a not always os good woman??
Ha Ha
Take care darlin, and once again thanks for being such a good friend
Soo
Happy Christmas, and a Pineapple New Year!!

Happy new year and I hope you had a good xmas. Sorry I'm so late but I've spent the past week being a snot factory
Shouldn't complain as I've had no sore throat or aches or owt but I have been sleeping a lot- off to bed in a min in fact. Sorry things didn't work out but I think you're right not to settle for casual if it ain't what you want.

And you are soooooo right: new year, new page, new... stuff !!

Try to speak to you at the weekend.

Take care dood friend.

Yo Van!!
Someone told me you are paying homage to a footie player with your handle on here?
Could I be near to the mark?
Hope you had a nice sleep, and are feeling somewhat better today.
We had a cold that trickled on for 7, yes 7 weeks, so hope yours clears up sooner than that!!
I have never made so much bodily fluid in any disease, in all my illness career.
Just kicked the olbas oil into touch and can begin to smell stuff nearly properly again, even though it may be dog breff.
Or the old bloke who farted very close to my head in Tescos the other day.
I blame the kids as I was only leaning down to get them a tin of sweetcorn!!
Don't like it much myself as it does n't seem to change much from start to finish, if you know what I mean?!!
He had no idea he'd done it, in his Commodores cap!!
You'll know you are better when you can reel at anothers guff, as they are like kids...
...You love your own and cannot stand anyone elses!!
Take care Van
Soo

Still snuffling- think you may be right about the 7 week thing.
How are you dood? Are you back to the course again? You must tell me how it's going. Should be starting my health studies again at the end of the month and I'm really looking forward to it

Funny you should ask because my bro (36) is not only questioning his gayness but also getting very broody- I think it's my lovely niece's influence. He's smart, caring, attractive (I've heard) and very funny. Perhaps I should hook you both up?!! Not sure you'd be up for more kids though .

I'm sorry that I've not been communicative recently but I hope you know that I'm thinkin of you even when I don't say "yo". Wait til I get broadband and you'll get sick of me posting all the time!

Take care dood.
Van

Oh, and he's a virtual footballer from a computer game but yes

How are you dood? I hope.

This has been a bizarre week. On tuesday I split my trousers from fly to mid-arse and had to rely on a safety-pin to spare my blushes all day at work. The police paid me a visit first thing today (not the Sting lot, though I'm not sure which I'd have preferred ) and I had my appointment with the bum doctor this morning. I've never had a finger in my bum and I certainly haven't had a camera shoved up there before! Results were a bit - nothing to worry about at the moment but no guarantees about the future. Not sure if they took a photo a la Alton Towers

Must get to bed as it's been a very strenuous day. I hope you are doing fine but I also worry when I don't hear from you.

Stay soo

What a time you've had hun...
Look after yourself and your nether regions.
I've found weetabix scratchy so I am trying to help the old internal combustion cope with food, but something irratates the beast!!
Missed you dood, and got a message from Bob, which was very sweet of you!
I just remembered what you said about getting broadband at the end of the month, and thought I'd bide my time til then.
Your bro sounds lovely, and I would have loved more children, from when I got dumped at 34, but it'd need a bloody miracle, as all I attract is Douglas Vasectomy!!
Steve, as a mate had to break it to him his ex is 5 months plus pregnant, and he was booted out in Sept. She did n't waste any time.
I just love children, I suppose thats why I still can 't stop going into school. Theres one lad who I get on really well with, only yr 7 and his mum was in tears yesterday, as hes going to be excluded today.
He just needs a mentor, or teacher who he relates to, to change things, hes just a pain as hes immature, and you notice who are the youngest in a year group.
I do feel a bit cheated, that I have n't met somone special, and been able to have at least one more.
It only takea one of your nearest and dearest to pop one out, and you all fall like dominoes...
If your bro is anything like you, he must be lovely, and I think we are all capable of being bi, its in our development, as we were all once female...
Its just meeting the right sheness or mangina, my daughter and her Mighty Boosh!!
Course is fine now, just had to give a presentation on El Greco to 200 people, and I was so nervous, but I think good research helped.
Got to make some more stuff for the sketchbook, about the unit on mechanically produced image.
Following on from the last one, with my hatred of cooking and being expected, as a girl to love it, me and bro are going to find a bit of private land and blow up a hoover and a cooker, and photograph and film it!!
We'll try to film a burning arrow killing a tele...
I'm going to blow up an anguished photo of me, and stick it in the back of my 70s oven, and take some photos.
My mate said to put a cake with a big knife stabbing it, on the mid baking shelf, and have loads of jam oozin out, like I'd slain my nemesis
Great eh?
Be afraid...
My neice Milly will start skool in Sept, so grab those precious moments, with your beautiful niece, as they fly by.
Funnily enough her first words were, "stabbings" and "red", oh yeah, and "sodote"...
Take good care of yer butt, munchmeister, thinking all good things about you, and your precious area!!
Can't say I could scrape the humour out of a bum probe, you go dood!!
I have missed our cheery banter, and wait eagerly for your trip to broadband!!
Soo, nice but dim

Your bro sounds lovely!
Does he do old ladies?
If hes funny then thats my one essential requirement!!

Well done on the el greco presentation and you're projects sound fab. V creative and subversive- you sound like you're enjoying what you're doing

Sorry for the panic. I don't want to hassle you and I know I should know better. Bob was very kind with his help. Think I've been a bit more stressed than I'd like to admit to my nearest and dearest. The police thing was to do with girlie. She'd said she didn't want any contact (which I still don't understand) and I wrote her a letter to try to explain why it didn't make sense but I accepted it and wouldn't contact her; then the police turn up and say that she's made a complaint and she doesn't want to hear from me so don't do it or else!

The policeman was v nice and said that I hadn't actually done anything wrong but I don't get why she can't just talk to me and explain why we can't know each other. It's not like I was hounding her- since the end of november, I sent her four or five short texts/emails, we talked on the phone and then I sent the letter. Not sure I'm explaining this very well and I feel like I'm protesting my innocence when I don't need to

The fact that he turned up on the morning of my bum exam was also unfortunate. I wasn't worried about my appointment but I hadn't realised that I'd need an internal exam (though it wasn't that bad.) The thing is that there's nothing they can do. It may go away and I'll never suffer from it again or it may get worse and I'll have to have an operation that leaves me incontinent. I really don't want that! And there's nothing I can do because they don't know what causes it.

On a happier note I dreamt that my niece's first word would be Argentina! You're right and I do appreciate the time I get with her and my older nieces and nephew. My bro is only a few years younger than you but I'll have to come up with a cunning plan for us all to meet up I've finally got some money and I've ordered broadband so it should be up and running within two weeks

There's so much I'd like to ask and say that I haven't but I'm sure we'll speak soon doodness

Van

Oh Darlin,
What a terrible time for you.
But do take a bit of oldie advice, as I talked with my sis last nite, and we both did each other a power of good.
You and I both begin to doubt that we are in fact some of the good guys, and there is no real sense to girlies actions, or Doug Vasectomy (Henceforth aka) blocking me or getting the feds out to you.
Its just so unnecessary and hurtful, but we have to accept we are the whipping boy for their dilemmas and issues, and its very hard when you really know darlin that you have been nothing but excellent to her (and him)
In the words of Wayne, they are not worthy of our love, time and care, but we don't give up on them.
I think you are completely lovely, and a magnificent friend, but some people just don't appreciate how bloody marvellous we bloody are, dood!!
I'd like to shake that woman, gently by the throat!!
The police... so nasty and unnecessary!!
Makes you realise the extent of her issues and problems, so please don't feel guilty or responsible, as this is extreme, in the extreme!!
We must have some nutter allure, or magnetism to the unbalanced... But we still seem to like them...
It is pretty foul to know someone you,ve cared for (in my case TWO)really does n't like you...
Sod em, whattda they know??
Meeting up one day would be so nice, spose one day I'll get round to sending a photo, but my sack with the one eyehole needs a wash...
I got some stool softener from the doc, but never collected the prescription.
Theres deffo part of me that feels scratchy at time, so I'm tryin to control it by diet.
Hate regulating treats intake, but no car and the ancient doggy boys (must send a piccie of them!)means I walk a lot off.
I was nearly 18st at one point,down to 15 and a bit but at just about 5ft 11" need to get back to 13 or under.That was how I coped with my marriage break up, but I want to be healthy for the babies, so no more crisp binges!!
Hope all goes well with yer nethers that must not be helped by the stress of all this.
Your folks sound so nice, do offload with them, they would feel terrible to know you kept these worries to yourself! And it is not burdening them, I guarantee they will want to know that you are ok.
My daughter has spelling issues and can't progress as quickly as her chums, as music notation does not seem to stick.
I am ashamed to say when I got a note asking why she was missing her keyboard lessons I had a right go at her. Turns out her little mate is highly competitive, and would n't be her partner in English, as "I hope you don't mind, only I want a good mark"
What a b***h!!
Thers no feeling like it dood, when someone is mean to yer babies!!
I wanted to kill her!!
My sis, friend Mish in New Zealand (You'd like her, shes gorgeous!!)are trying to think of ways to get the notes to stick, her short term memory is very poor, but theres no extra help, as there are so many kids with worse issues.
I think she just wants teachers to know how hard she struggles,so they see the effort, and don't think shes a slacker.
Shes nearly as tall as me, and not 13 til June, long blonde hair, and lovely, well I would say that.
My nipper, as his teacher said, just goes to school for the social life, and does well, but finds it easy, and does n't see the point in doing anymore.
Hes absolutely entranced by the Wolfbrother books at the mo..
Hav n't I gone on, maybe its cos I know I can with you doo, or maybe Ok Computer being on?...
Please don't let this setback bring you down, as someone said to me in the depths of despair ages ago, the best one up resolution is success!!
You are soooo cool, and don't you forget it!!
So nice to hear from you!!
Soo

dood, good to hear from you too. Talk more in the next few days when I have more time.

Stay soodood

Wish I could help on the music front but it's always been one of my worst subjects. I can work out tunes on a keyboard (by note, I don't understand chords) but I've never been able to read music or get my head around how it all works together.

Spelling... I spell pretty well but I remember being off school when I was 8 or 9 and I missed the week when we did words beginning ex (like excite, exhibit and expose) and I still have to think twice when I write some of them. I know learning by rote is old fashioned but I do think it's successful. Agree about the bitchiness of her pal and I wish teachers would understand that someone is trying but isn't necessarily great at a subject.

I don't know if it's comparable but, when I was 13 or so, we got marked from 1 to 7 in PE for each sport we did. I was good at sports but I couldn't get the hang of badminton; I just couldn't time the overhead strokes. So I played a defensive game (using underarm strokes) and was very hard to beat. Despite the fact that I only lost to the top 8 or so players in my year, my PE teacher gave me a 2 because I played "tennis strokes". He was right that my technique was bad but he made no allowance for me being good at making up for that with other skills (and essentially being decent at the sport because I was in the top 10 and could beat people with "better" technique.) If daughter has problems with memorising but has dedication then good on her- and her teachers should appreciate that. Trying one's best is the most important thing and one can be good at something without knowing the technicalities (not sure if I've spelled that properly ).

I hope that all made a bit of sense I should have been asleep hours ago and I need to get up in a few hours I'm staying at sis's this weekend (in the loft conversion just above littleness's room) and I did my uncle duty at 3.30 last night when niece woke up with a coughing fit and was Mum and dad slept through unaware so job done but it has thrown my sleep a bit out of kilter.

Speak to you soon and take care of yourself and kids.
Gorgeous Mish? I like her already !!

Van

Wow Van!!
I think my girlie will always muddle through, as she lets lots of it wash over her, but really compensates by working sooo hard.
Shes hormonal so we don't always see eye to eye, but there is no love quite like it, and my boy is getting more fiesty, but they are very kind and decent young people, so it can't be all bad.
You are so good to go and see to your niece. My ex used to pretend he was a sleep on many occasions, and you really do get to the end of your tether, through lack of sleep.
I,ve got to draw my cooker and the hoover tonight, as I,ve got to make my own way to Bournemouth, as the lady I get a lift with has gone on the school trip to Florence.
I can't go as I can't afford it!!
It means a train then bus, which will take nearly two hours to travel 18 miles!! Each way!
I also have to go to TKMaxx and change some shoes for girlie mine, as the £10 bargain ones I got are in fact a size 8 and 11!!
I was in a rush, and they were put together as a pair!!
My friend found a Sooty eggcup at the tip, today that I did not have!!
I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I will...
Mishi is going to be 22 this year, and is at Uni at Otaga in Kiwiland.
She started off wanting to be like David Attenborough, but as the degree course is modular, she has found she has a thing for law and wants to become involved in science/ genetics...
We met when she was 5 and on one of the ships we travelled on.
Her dad was Chief and my exs boss, and we clicked. My sis and her hubby sailed with them too and got on really well with her mum and dad, but we have always kept in touch. Mishi Byczkow (Bishcough)lived in Somerset for a year, a couple of years ago, and we had such a laugh.
She is more like a little sister to me and my sis, and we are hoping she will meet an English fella, so she will settle here, and not the other side of the world!!
Lets see what you can do...
Take care, Speak soon
Soo

I'm naughty even saying hi this late because I need to be up in 4 hours but "hi" Hope your bus journey was ok and you managed to reclaim your rightful goods from TKMaxx. It sounds like you've put you're kids right on track to me- be decent but don't put up with any sh!t.

Please don't tease me with mishi (not that I think you mean to), she sounds wonderful, extremely wonderful, but she also sounds out of my league.

Have you had half term this week or is it next week? Did she give you the egg cup?

I really must go to bed and I really did mean to just say hi!

Love you dood

Van

Dearest Doodness!
Sorry I have not replied soooner, but the lorries with my flowers and milk chocolate blocked all the local roads and although the police (in my case) were very nice, my name is mud around here now.
Does it count that I actually got a kiss on the cheek from an 11 yr old??
Load of old tosh anyway, just makes the lovelorn more lovelornier
And we baby are on the up and up!!
Remember this year is ours, and we will take it roughly and ride it hard...
OOoh, could this be the result of my rather rude dream???
Nah, I'm just a dirty old woman, trapped inside a dirty old womans body!!
W'adda ya mean, out of my league!!!
Mish has no real luck with the fellas, but I think her moment will come when she leaves Uni and comes here again, hint hint.
We are really good chums, and even though this friendship is ether based, I feel I know you dood and she needs someone to like her as she is, blonde I think at the moment.
She has a tad of her dads blunt Aussie/Rouskieness, a fiesty chicky.
We stayed at my sisters and she had the top bunk, I had the bottom, (I think my sis thought I might break it otherwise!!)and daughter was on the inflatable, next to us.
Now, bearing in mind I was 42, Mish was 19/20 and Stevie 10, we were told off by my sis for making too much noise, and daughter confiscated the whoopee cushion, just in case I wet myself!!
It really is like having a little sis, and she loves the UK, we just need an excuse to keep her here...
Her M&D would like to come and live here, as they say domestic crime is getting to be a real issue for Kiwis. The cost of living, however, is so much higher here, which puts them off.
So nice to hear from you, but I am worried that the cycle of sleep deprivation sounds like you are more down than your innate cheeriness on here, would indicate?
You know I am here for you dood, anytime.
Take care
Love Soogal

Half term is next week woo hoo!!
I got the eggcup, have a look at my tat on ebay tibbysoo1.

Oh yeah, and the man in TKMaxx, nearly wet himself, but he reckoned this happens a lot, and thats why the italian leather Lambretta boots were only £10!!!

I hope you have a good week with the kids this week. Do you have any plans? Anything worth seeing at the cinema? I know it isn't perhaps suitable for them but I saw Cloverfield the other week and it was v good.

I haven't been too good recently. Even though girlie and I haven't spoken properly since the end of september, I still miss her massively. I keep thinking of things to tell her (stuff on tv, jokes I've heard, things I've found out that we've talked about before- that kind of thing) and there are life things that I've really wanted to talk to her about. Why aren't we friends? It doesn't make sense. There are so many questions running through my mind and it is hard knowing that I'll never get any answers.

If I'm honest, I've been "existing" since I stopped work for the xmas break. My life has kind of settled down in that I'm at work regularly and I've started my OU again. But every day seems pointless. I'm glad that I've done things but that's after the fact and it really wouldn't bother me if I was mowed down by a bus tomorrow. I doubt I'm explaining this very well and please don't worry.

No work tomorrow so I'm going to spend the day in my sister's empty house studying. Did I tell you what my courses are? Biological Psychology. And Alternative & Complementary Medicine. There are so many words I'm going to have to learn about the brain it's untrue but it is v interesting. I'll also use a virtual microscope (online) and have to design an experiment. Not sure if I'll be able to do any of this but a challenge is worth attempting. At some point in mid afternoon I'll mosey on home and I think my mother is cooking roast beef in the evening... yummmmmm

Should have my broadband up and running on thursday at the latest which will be superb. Enjoy half term, whatever you have in store, and I know you may well be too busy to talk much so get back to me when you can. Mish sounds

I think it's less than 2 months until Dr Who is back

Take care
Van

Mum wants to take the kids to the local flea pit to see the Golden Compass, as Jack has read the book and really liked it.
Fancy being 10 and asking for a set of books for Christmas...
They both eat really well, Jack tucking into a couple of raw carrots in the evening or topping and tailing a cumber and eating it like a lolly.
Pair of shameful freaks if you ask me, where are the crisps and chocolate cakes??
I can honestly say that it is nothing to do with me, as I really don't like fruit, its messy (come on Freud, have a field day!!) I just always made sure it was freely available and they are not the least bit fussy.
I am, I hate garlic, fish, cheese especially.
Now you know the full horror of what you are dealing with...
How can I not worry??
Sounds like proper depression to me, but just plodding through the day and time elapsing is the only real way to get through it.
If I'm honest, it took my exs Steve Tyler lookalike ( yep )to become pregnant a year after, to really make me realise that no matter how I felt, and what I could tolerate, my life had changed forever, whether I liked it or not. It took 3/4 years to be properly over it all, but I think such rejection as yours and mine always lingers at the back of your mind.
And to have Doug find me wanting and easily replaced, when hes not exactly a prize, well I'm with you darlin...
Theres nothing quite like it, but I do understand, and I am here for you, whenever.
Your course sounds fantastic, my sis is really into genetics, and although I'm intrigued by it, I can't seem to retain anything more than trivia these days.
You are a bit of a clever old sausage!!
Respeck!!
Gotta go to skool in B'muff today but not being picked up til 11.45.
Gillian does not want to go to the lecture today, well I did, as its a lady who makes films about blowin...
One she blows (yeah)lightbulbs and they swing in and out towards her face, and its lighting of her face is really quite beautiful.
We have print support today, so I can manipulate some images and get some more stuff for the crit next Monday.
Hark at me all lah de dah!!
Thinking of you sweet van man, must bug Mish about when shes comin over again, hopefully this year...
It will get better, it just takes oodles of time wasting.
Can you make some nice chap fall out of the sky for me?/
My bro is wicked, as Mike said Doug must be well gay not to want to go out with me, and said he'd punch him for me if I liked!!
I can't support this kind of thing, but Steve has told Count Tugula, that he should seriously think about moving as he could be in for a visit...
Mikes lovely, but he looks quite hard...
Take really good care of yourself, y'hear?
Can do this, as my spawn are still asleep!!
Yee Haw half term!!
Soo

Hello dood. Busy week and I'm still waiting for my broadband modem to arrive but I'm hoping to get back online later so I'll reply properly. Nice to hear you sounding chirpy.

Van