h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And I only act daft!....I dread the future of the country run by morons, hold on! that's already happening......

The Youth of today ....

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses from 16 year olds.

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.

"waves" This one

Most of those are pretty funny!

they are

They are funny, they're also mostly made up.

True on both counts i reckon. Made up by folks who probably passed an exam or two along the way!

zdt

Hilarious, prof , I just had to share these with somebody who teaches English.

if you got some daft 'un's, add them here
F1926355?thread=610041

Brilliant Animal

I was going to say 'you couldn't make it up' but clearly someone did because apart from the Malapropisms (?) the spellings are mostly correct

I agree with post above, that they were clearly written by someone with a proper education!!

for a good giggle. About to print off for PHM and will sent to Nigel too. I expect he could do with a



Websailor

hey animal, I knew you were mad, but after this one I think youre just crazy like me..Where do you get this stuff from?...