h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Slacker - A9153894
Author: shallowthought - U3141081

I hope you like it, it's my first.

Oh, counting on the hardworking to give your efforts some substance huh?

Well, in this case I can't help but take the bait, so cunningly laid is the trap. I enjoyed this piece quite a bit, both for its humor as well as originality though I think it could benefit from just a touch more substance after the tree dwellers bit. Nothing major, just a bit of fleshing out to cover the millenia from there to present perhaps.

All in all a noble and well thought out effort and I certainly hope to read more from you in the near future.

Spy

Ok, got around to adding more stuff, but one problem. The new paragraphs won't become their own paragraph. HELP!

Use the tag to make paragraphs. So here :

The Feudal system...blah blah...brand of Slacker.
Television is the...blah blah...pay the bills.
And with the Television...blah blah...for the Slacker.
Now for the Internet...blah blah...than ever.

Keep it up.

Pin

thank you. & for everyone!

you've got some stuff in this.

There's bits that don't quite work for me, couple of bits where the 'reasoning' could be clearer - as Spy said, that's a huuuuge leap from the trees straight into the Feudal system - and I don't get the Belgium bit at all which probably means I'm out of the loop with IT speak.

I enjoyed it though, and do like the idea that life crawled out of the water to slack in peace .

Alright, so I haven't anything truely productive to say, but I just wanted to point out that you have a certain fondness for unnecissary apostrophes. For instance:

"had retreated into the tree's"
"Slacker history pretty much follow's"
"For one, a few organism's"
"A few organism's evolved"
"was actually the Slacker's getting vengeance"
"to be entertained in Theater's"
"Slacker's to do everything from home! Play game's"
"there are now more Slacker's than ever"

But anyway, very funny, I apriciated it. (You are very sneaky, including a link to this from the Emo conversation)