The Slacker
Created | Updated Feb 5, 2006
The Slacker
The Slacker has long been a staple of humanity, since the day that we unwisely crawled out of the sea. The Slacker has always been there to mooch off the Hardworking,(i.e. Suckers) sleep 'till noon, go on 42 hour gaming binges, and be an all around pain in the ass to those not in the Slacker fold.
A Brief History of Slacking
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't some leap in logic/evolution that led us to crawl of from the sea. It was the product of ancient Slacker, who was simply tired of :
- Everyone bugging him about never doing anything productive,
- Swimming everywere, for that can get tiring.
- And let's not forget the dreaded Salesmen, those bastards would never leave him alone.
So it only made sense that he would jump out into the largly barren surface world, where he could Slack in peace. But, alas, this Slacker underestimated the determination of the hardworking. At first it was only other Slackers that joined him, and that was fine, He had created a Slacker paradise! But, it wasn't long before the Hardworking made an assault on the Slacker world, and soon the Slackers had retreated into the tree's.
The "Tree" section of Slacker history pretty much follow's the same pattern as the "Surface" section, but with a few key differences.
- For one, a few organism's decided to go back to the old way of life, in the ocean. For betraying the rest of the world these lifeforms where hunted for food, and so began Fishing.1
- A few organism's evolved into dangerous predators,(The most ferocious of which, Painus Intheassicus, can be traced as a direct ancestor to the Lawyer.)
The Feudal system, from the Medieval Times, to the untrained eye was tyranny. However, it has recently come to my knowledge that this was actually the Slacker's getting vengeance on the Hardworking, as the Serfs toiled away, harvesting food, the Slacker was allowed to sit on his butt and grow fat. This can be seen as the beginning of the "Mooch" brand of Slacker.
Television is the by far the greatest inovation in Slacker history. Before all Slackers had to *shudder*get up to be entertained in Theater's. With Television they could sit back and watch something, AT HOME! But, there was a major flaw, you had to get up to change the channel. And so the remote control was created, now they could truly Slack to their heart's content, getting up only buy food, and pay the bills. And with the Television, came Videogames, yet another milestone. At last, you could blow people up, AND NOT GET SENT TO JAIL! Score another one for the Slacker.
Now for the Internet, the most recent innovation, this allows the Hardworking to keep in touch with old friend, far away family members, ect. However, this allows the Slacker's to do everything from home! Play game's with people from all over the world, order food, clothes, and pay your bills, and watch porn. At last, the Slacker could live with no human interaction whatsoever. Unless of course you count the mailman. But there should probably be a fix for that in the coming years. With the three great milestones in place, there are now more Slacker's than ever.
So You Say You Want a Revolution
In recent years more people are starting to fear the power of the Slacker. It is common belief that if they had a revolution, it would be unsuccesful, but the damage they could cause before The Simpsons came on would be catastrophic. Never underestimate the power of a slacker, for they are the only race who can survive off beer and flatulence. They can even live unscathed through daytime television.
BELGIUM!
Slacker's have created a few word's that are now staple's of society, like
- w00t
- 733T
- newb, in all it's incarnations
- ownage
- pwnage
- ect., ect.
In the end, it doesn't even matter!
Remember, next time you think about doing something productive, think about the infinite wisdom of the Slacker. Divided we fall, United we throw a LAN party!
