h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right then, I believe the first test involves two ships of roughly my size.

Computer, scan for any unidentified star ships within this zone and notify me as soon as any are found. Oh yeah, and while your at it can you please play a random selection of music from your database.

(Computer)Please Wait... *Music starts playing.*

[EVA] Incoming hostile vessels. Destination, Discord.

*The Discord flies parrallel to the first hostile starship. With it's Cloaking Device engaged so that it cannot be sensed. It de-cloaks and fires on the weak points of the hostile ship. Disabling it's weapons and propulsion systems.*

Now then. Computer, recharge weapons and locate weapons systems on hostile ship, fire on my mark.

*spins up the latest 3 Doors Down CD while he heats up some *
And I believe you understand the trial system. Three hits: Hit 1, Hit 2, Hit 3, for which audible warning will play. On the 4th, your ship will be tractored back into the hanger. You will then be considered "dead"

[EVA] Weapons system located. Confirm target lock?

*The discordant fires on the second ship, disableing it's weapons and propulsion systems.*

Can't you make it a bit more interesting ?

[EVA] Level complete.

[EVA]The next challeng is as follows: 1 escort carrier, federation class CHICAGO and it's full complement of fighters. It is armed with multiple turret plasma cannon systems, and 15 fighters each about the power of an old asteroid-breaker.

[ooc]I was unaware that Star Trek had fighters. This was always a weakpoint with me..........where had they been for the last past recient history? Why hadn't they included this vital aspect?

Not star trek, this federation can be anything we want it to be. I just use the term "federation" because everybody recognizes it as a powerful spacefaring entity. And the shuttlepods were armed, if only lightly, so they can be considered fighters...

"And the shuttlepods were armed, if only lightly, so they can be considered fighters..."

Actually, the only shuttle I've ever seen that could stand up to anything was the modified one in Endgame I (the second-to-last episode of Voyager)

*The Discord decloaks of the port side the escort carrier.*

Computer, teleport the modified Anthrax spores into the hostile ships environmental room and fighter bays. Tell me when all the ships crew are dead.

Now, an interesting way to kill the remaining fighters. I know, Computer, cloak and go into autopilot. *Gets into a environmental suit and teleports over to the Chicago Class starship.

*A v. faint version of Axe's hologram also boards the ship*

EVA, reprogram the ship's crew so they can't detect my hologram.

[EVA] Done.

*the hologram increases to full strength*

[Hologram] Remember Fred, I'm not allowed to help you. I'm just along for the ride .

Hi there Axe.
*Connects a decoding device to the ship's computer system. Then crawls into the nearest maintainance hatch and remodifies the ships environmental controls so that it fills every room with methane.*

(over the radio) Discord, attack the federation star ships and draw them closer to the vessel that I am in.

*Teleports into the armoury and kills the dieing soldiers there.*

*is scared and wondering* Axe, you obviously didn't see last night's episode of Enterprise, in which a shuttlepod from the Enterprise was used as an effective ground bombardment platform, but I'm not so well-versed in trek lore... [radio] That Chicago cost so much! You're paying for the decon! But seriously, that was quite creative. Remember, however, the sim is not designed for direct attacks on ship crew, and that any excursion outside of your craft onto the hostiles will require a pressure suit. *a pair of the fighters from the SHSS bay come out with decon cannons, clearing up the never-really-contained spores*

I don't regard 'Enterprise' as being a true Star Trek series. Don't ask why, just be assured that I have very good reasons for that heretic belief

Enterprise is very different from the other Star Trek series. But I think I prefer it to them. The characters just seem a little more interesting to me. And I think the dialougue is a little bit better.

*Fred sets all of the Chicago's biggest torpedos to detonate in a few minutes, then programs a Kamikaze flight plan into the Chicago's computer and teleports back to the Discordant.*

You may want to get out of there Axe.

*After a few minutes the Chicago class vessel is destroyed in a massive explosion. Destroying six of the remaining fighters.*

Of course, Andromeda (yet another G. Rodenberry (or whatever his name is) series)'ll always beat the c**p out of all of them

*After the ship explodes, Axe's hologram is left lingering around in the vacuum. There also seems to be another hologram, but you cannot make out any details. Axe looks around and quickly turns off aformentioned hologram.*

Very interesting...

*Axe's hologram also disappears. While all this is happening, the Tripwire (which was hanging around) has changed course and is now disappearing into the distance, as has Axe's scout ship*

(radio) I'll see you guys later. Axe out.

Andromeda is cool, what I have seen of it. And of the old treks, I prefer Voyager.
*the HD2, which had also been hanging around, projects a final test*
*a huge Federation fleet appears, numbering about 20 capital ships and 3 carriers, all carrying fighters*
[radio]Fred, try to worm your way out of this one!

Definatly. Have you seen the 'Endgame' episodes?

*the 'Imperial March' (Darth Vader's Star Wars theme) starts blaring out of above ships*