h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Arthur? Where the are you? I don't know, there's not much activity going on in here.
Where are all the victms? Where's the fun?

*starts picking up knocked over equipment*

*tiptoes down the stairs, sweeping as she goes*

Upon hearing the name "Arthur", screams and

What's that woman screaming for now?
AGB! He's not here. I don't know where he is.
<>You can go and find him if you like. </>

Did you mean to sweep this dust into my dungeon? Cos it's great.

*stomps in looking thunderous*

Why is that blerking woman always screeching near me? Here's a load more gear. Use it or abuse it, as long as you pay for it I don't care.

Thanks, that's great, now you'd better go and see what that demanding young woman wants with you.

Thanks, that's great, now you'd better go and see what that demanding young woman wants with you.

*wakes up in the nude, and even though he has a throbbing migraine and is seeing double, he slowly comes to the realization that he is strapped into something*

Ugh...

Where am I?

That's my cage. Slightly bigger than the one on the ship, but it has all these attachments. Look, this one is x rated, this one is a 15, this a PG, and I don't know which one to use first.

*attaches nipple clamps, to give lie to her words*

Hmm, I might move you into the stocks. I brought them from my journal. Hmmm, decisions....

Oh. So I must be in your dungeon, then.

It's funny, though...
I don't remember how I got down here.



I went to the bar to get a , then I went outside to enjoy it in peace and quiet, and then...




But I guess I'm here and your torture subject for however long you find pleasure in hurting me.

Oooh! Nipple clamps!

Hmm, that'll be the space weave that I left lying about. I woubdered where it had got to.

You like these? A nice on your face?


That's not right.

*gets Yossarian out of the cage and straps him to the chair*

This isn't an ordinary chair, it's got all sort of inserts and nodules and sharp bits. It might feel ok now, but it'll get more painful the longer you sit in it. Especially when I do this...

*starts preparing hot wax*

Ugggh
Oooo
*falls down stairs into dust on dungeon floor
Oh, where am
*passes out
*
*
*
[Oh, another dungeon to keep me occupied?]

ooh, ideal.

*cuffs 2Legs to the floor (attachments all over my dungeon), covers him in hot wax and lets it dry*

*comes round
Ooooo hot wax
I bet thats goina smart when it comes off <> <>

No, it'll be ok. I promise.
*starts pulling congealed wax off*

Oooooo, that smarts
Ooooooo thats nice so, you like your subjects? hair less? Ooooooo
Mmmmmmmm
any more wax?

No, the wax is finished. I'll get the remains off with this cheesegrater.

*starts scraping*

SSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!
Ooooooooo!
Mmmmmmmmm!
finished?
Fancy some wax yourself? Recipication isn't a problem So what are all these other toys for

No to the wax thanks, but I wouldn't say no to an ice cube or two.

The other toys? Why don't you try to guess??

*2legs gets some icecubes
Lets try out these toys!
*drops icecubes on to
Now, this "toy", if I climb on it like this, and, yes you.....
Oo
ooo
Mmmmm
Ahhhh
I think we know its use now, lets try it out for a bit longer

Good lad.