h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Next to One Whose Name was writ in Water - A87716343
Author: Keith Miller yes that Keith Miller - U1287143

Keats grave site in the Protestant Cemetery, Rome, Italy. Next to it or near it are other graves...I took liberties there. (insert a raised eyebrow emoticon)

Dmitri ignore my message in your journal...I've remembered!

I don't normally read poetry, and would politely skip through the lines. But this made me stop and feel the words on my tongue, it is really evocative, especially the part

"Luxurious love, viscous like dripping honey" which brings the image I know only to well of European mausoleums, replete with their recent photographs and fresh flowers.

It is Dia del Muertos soon - a counterbalance to the US driven Halloween, this poem reflects the time of year very well.

Thanks for submitting it.

Hi Lanza thank you for reading it and leaving comment. Dmitri has spurred me on a bit by reminding me of poetry in the AWW and I've been away for awhile and it's nice to be back.

The title is of course partly pinched from John Keats epitaph. Keats requested that only the phrase:

*Here lies One Whose Name was writ in Water*

Oh Keith, this poem was very neat. Not that I'm that big an authority mind- I like Dmitri's and some of the classics. Thank you for coming back and sharing that with us.

I'm so glad you did find it, Keith.

This poem passes my personal test for being real poetry...

It did something to my skin tension. Yes.

Thank you for that.

Thank you for sharing this poem.

It is certainly thought provoking, with its vivid images of the cemetery, and its awareness of the closeness of death. The last six lines are brilliant.

I did wonder however, on what basis you chose the line breaks, particularly lines 1 and 3 in stanza 1 and line 2 in stanza 3.

That's the problem with writing free verse - as there's no set form you have to invent your own and you need a reason for putting line breaks where they are.

Hello MVP (waves across the Pacific Ocean) nice to see you again and thank you Electra for reading it and leaving a comment.

MVP, I might go over those first line breaks gain if I can get myself into the mood(you have to be in the right frame of mind to play with poetry I find)as I actually rushed this poem onto paper, it came to me very quickly, in a tumble of words and actions and I was hard pressed to get them all down with out losing some(this happens to me sometimes and I have a lot of quarter/half finished poems scattered around my PC).

You know when you've written a good line or two and in this poems case I thought it started to come together in the second stanza and I had to type quickly to get the third one down before I lost it. I do usually tinker with my work for ages before letting it out but in this case I felt the AWW could benefit from a returnee's writing and to keep the AWW out front and on other peoples radar so to speak.

It's a nice feeling to be back here and amongst familiar faces and I hope to get some more words up on the AWW in the near future

I'm also glad to have fiddled with your skin tension Dmitri and I hope I can manage to do it again.

Welcome back. We appreciate it.

I've fiddled with the opening lines and I think it sits better on the page now.

I think it looks tidy, though the other way didn't bother me at all. \

My attitude about the line breaks in free verse differs from that expressed by MVP.

I feel that it is entirely up to the poet, who owes me no excuse for where he chooses to break up the text. I may think what I will as I follow the words.

Tidy in this case equals a slightly better flow I think and I'll not to anymore revision, that's it.

Dmitri do you know of a term that is used when an author/poet writes something that uses another author's words but mixes them up, changes them around to make an entirely new work?

It's something that is bugging me, has for several months now since I came across a story somewhere and a fairly well known author had just done this and to acclaim as well...I then completely forgot nearly every detail of that article

I'd like to have a go at that one day.

That sounds fascinating Keith. The sort of thing that Solnushka might like to hear about for the challenges on Create.

We're looking for interesting ways to spark off writing.

You know, Keith, I don't know what that's called, unless it's related to William S Burroughs and his 'cut and paste', which Cactuscafe knows a lot about.

But not that you've mentioned it, I want to know, too.

Well thats that then, I'm a man on a mission and actually I think I've just remembered a name and he's a poet;John Tranter and I think he's done this to some acclaim particularly in American poetry circles and I'm almost sure there is also a connection with a certain J.Joyce, he either did it or had it done to one of his works.

I'll report back when I know more...ohhh, another flash and the name Amiss surfaces(but which one?).

Glass of wine later today(glorious Sunday here the sort that Pepys would jot down about)and I'll start researching.

Lanza:If your looking at exciting challenges then start a 60 word challenge or club.
At a site that began life with members from the Beebs Get Writing site (after the Beeb closed it) there was a very popular challenge called Sixty Words that would typically start with a prompt,I'll give you an example:

Broken.

*'I'll not be bothering you again,lad,' he rasped, sidling out the room's one door. Glancing back, wisps of smoke curling into the chill night, Dane Fredricks wiped the tears that came unbidden as he viewed the picture of a son born years back amongst love, captured now in future embrace. Needles,silver foil, rictus grin, ambulance light.*

The possibilities were many with prompts like that and the stories ranged from the above to the obvious ones of broken items, toys, china plate etc etc.

The best of those archived there were actually published in book form by an Irish publisher (Guildhall Press) using money from an arts grant via the Lottery, not that I'm advocating anything like that but as an idea I thought it was rather good and you have to be reasonably disciplined to get your point across with only 60 words to play with.

A simple voting system was employed with members just ticking a box next their choice and the winners received a gold cup silver cup bronze cup depending whether they were 1st 2nd or 3rd and the winner each fortnight would then choose the prompt for the next challenge.

Simplicity.

It's just an idea

Hi Keith

I really like this poem and agree with all the things everyone else said

I am sorry I can't say more; I seem at a loss for words this morning

Anyway, there is one little thing you may want to change?

>>> short of death ,consonants strewn in <<< that comma?

thank you for such a lovely moment at his grave

Oops I didn't notice this at first either

afixed to statues = affixed to statues

Thanks Oxy for those observations, all attended to now and I'm glad you enjoyed the poem

I don't know about that, although there are plenty of writers (such as TS Eliot) who put lots of literary references in their work. Pinching bits of Shakespeare, or Chaucer, changing them, but leaving an echo, so that, if you're eudite enough, you can spot the original.

I've done pastiche - taking a famous poem (or part of a well-known book) following the form closely, but saying something of your own.

When I wrote about line breaks, I didn't mean that there were rules about where you put them, but it's worth thinking about where you put them.

But it's good to see you back here, Keith and get some interesting poetry discussions. So often, a poet feels that he or she is shouting into silence.