h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'Shrinking' - a short story - A4150847
Author: Ormondroyd - U95721

'Shrinking' was written for the University short story writing course I completed a month or so ago, and it draws on the experiences of both myself and some of my student friends. My fellow students on the course seemed to enjoy the story, and I think it has themes that a lot of present and former students will relate to so I thought I'd try to bring it to a wider audience here.

Very good indeed.
Neat plot, well told. There's a contrariness running through it at several levels that evokes the student outlook perfectly.

Some of the wordplay is very fine too.

One suggestion - you introduce your characters sequentially, so the reader already knows Lucy and her rut rather well by the time Cathy appears. In a story of this length, such a construction inevitably creates a primary character (Lucy here) and a secondary one (Cathy).

The piece works, though, through the difference in mindset between Lucy and Cathy. That device relies on a more or less equal balance of the characters in the reader's mind. You could achieve this, and also accentuate the personality contrast, if you introduce them both in parallel, alternating paragraphs at the beginning.

This piece would work brilliantly as a short film.

Thanks for posting it. More too, please. Which Uni, btw - since this is quite an advert for the quality of the course.

Pin

for the support, Pin! I see what you mean about the way the characters are introduced, but I'm quite happy with Lucy being the primary protagonist. 'Shrinking' is essentially the story of how she copes with her crisis of confidence, although Cathy is also very important to the plot. I'm glad you feel that I captured the student mindset - I'm a 'mature' student myself, and I've certainly been through similar panics over coursework!

The university in question is the University of Bradford - and their short story writing course certainly is excellent.

I really like this.

I've noticed that a number of the short stories we see in here have a problem with the ending - it's good to see one with a neat finish.



sprout

, sprout! Glad you liked it!

Pinniped, your comment about a short film got me thinking, and I am now considering trying to adapt 'Shrinking' for the stage. There are plans for some new short dramas to be presented at the Theatre In The Mill on the University of Bradford campus later this year, and it'd be highly appropriate for 'Shrinking' to be performed there as it was events around the same campus that inspired the story. I'm sure a student audience would be able to relate to it!

That's great - you go for it!

(In fact, if it comes off and is open to the public, post here and tell us when it's going to be staged. I'm only 30 miles south, and I'd like to see it)

Excellent.

Good luck !

Chips

, Chips!

Good stuff Like Pin, I think it captures the student culture well and the characters fit into the world rather nicely too. I wasn't surprised when I read that it draws on real life experience.

Keep on writing. And submit them here if you get the urge

for the support, Jodan!

( Peers in the darkness of the UnderGuide to look for approaching Miners or editors.)

Aha. Perhaps we'd better disclose some of the mysteries of Mining...

It's not like Scouting. There are about a zillion Scouts, of course, and they let a bunch out every day to make Edited Guide picks. Miners are a rarer breed (and a much superior one, or so I'm told). They only get to make UnderGuide picks once a month, all at once. The rest of the time, they just drink at the expense of some guy who comes from somewhere he thinks is famous. I forget his name.

Anyway, the probable upshot of this is that UnderGuide-wise, you'll be waiting at least a couple of weeks yet. Remember too that it's a fairly exclusive honour. On average there are only about five-to-six new UnderGuide Entries a month - so don't get too impatient!

Post-wise, there's a bit of a hiatus at the moment, since shazz is poorly. If you want to offer the piece to the Post, you'll need to tell them. You can leave a note at the Post Office - Awix is standing in as Editor and the Post is coming out fortnightly for the time being.

Finally, you might like to know that Entries can and do make both the Post and the UnderGuide, but both Editors try to keep a respectful distance in time - so if an Entry appears in one, it'll be a few weeks before it's considered for the other.

Pin

for the explanation, Pin.

I think I may offer the story to in that case - I always thought it might be suitable for that fine publication, and it'd be nice to justify the 'Post Reporter' badge I still hold mainly because of a column I used to write. If I do offer it to and they say they want to use it, should I then withdraw it from this Review Forum to avoid any possible confusion?

I think Pin's had too many s on my tab... can't remember my name and worse yet, can't remember Ohio's name.
Everyone else knows about the wonderful, wonderful land of Ohio, right?

Right?



Here's the deal with Post/UG conflict...
If an entry goes in the Post, and the UG still wants to feature it, then we damn well will. However, since we're the Post's younger, slightly mutated, brother, we (one of the other eds who's good at keeping track of things and actually doing stuff...) just defer to them and we give it a space (depending on how long we can stall, this can range from a few weeks to a few months) between the Post's featuring and the Front Page feature.

Ok, so the conclusion is... if you want it in the Post, but that doesn't satisfy your ego, then please keep it in the AWW because I'm sure there are miners willing to put it on the Front Page.

()

have said 'yes'.

I got the story back from my University tutor with a mark of 67% and some constructive criticism that echoed Pinniped's in post #2. Both Pin and my tutor wanted more Cathy to balance the story out, and my tutor also thought the dream sequence was a little clumsy.

So, in response to public demand (well, two people anyway ) here's a remixed version for that I hope works even better!

A tasty bit of work you've given us here Ormondroyd, sort of like a peek inside the diary of someone very real and familiar.

I read it when first posted and now again and I must say that I enjoyed it both times. The realism with which it is written seems to draw you in and hold your attention, not due to dramatics but instead identification with the charactors, a bond of sorts with the reader cheering for Lucy and hoping it all works out in the end.

Thanks for sharing it with us and for caring enough to act upon good critical advice. Hope to see more from you soon

Spynxxx

Congratulations Ormondroyd ! This entry has been selected from the Alternative Writing Workshop and accepted for the <./>UnderGuide</.>

An UnderGuide Gem Polisher will shortly be in touch for final revisions or tweakings before creating a UG copy of the entry to be featured on h2g2's Front Page. Hopefully, someone will let you know when the entry is on the front page, and you'll soon see your entry in the UG Archives at A2112490.

Congrats again, and thank you for contributing here .

-The UnderGuide Editors

Thanks, everyone!