h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Yak - A30479349
Author: Tibley Bobley - U170471

This is my homework (as set by Pinniped): Yak in the second person.

It felt quite odd doing it in the second person. Not sure what to make of it myself. It's very short so, if you feel inclined, it won't take you long to assess it. If you do, thank you

It makes for an interesting read. It's like eavesdropping on your conversation, but especially so in that last paragraph. That one connects. The first lines set up the context very well too.

Maybe in the middle it becomes a little factish - where it seems to be listening in on the speaker's background knowledge rather than responses triggered by the yak itself? The middle section's more like contemplation than the more immediate conversation of the beginning.

But then, variation in tone is interesting too.

Homework over Christmas? Shocking .

This is an interesting approach and I think it works.

I agree with LLwaz that the middle paragraph is a bit too factual. I prefer the conversational approach of the other paragraphs.

Thank you LLWaz and mVpoet. That's really helpful. I've changed that longish paragraph to 4 shorter and more chatty ones. I've tried to keep most of the actual information in there but made it less monologue-ish (I hope). There are a couple of other little edits too. It feels less peculiar to me now. Perhaps I'm getting the hang of it

To be fair, Pinniped didn't specify that I had to slog over a hot yak at Christmas. Before or after would probably have done just as well

Yes, I think the shorter, chattier paragraphs work better.

Happy New Year!

Cheers mVpoet

And a Happy New Year to you too

Good seasonal hot yak slaving this.

It reads well. Fun, innit?

More homework soon. (This one was obviously too easy)

Too easy? I don't know what you mean

If it gets a tick and not a big red cross, I heave a sigh of relief and agree, it was fun. Learning some things about wildebeest, bison and yaks has been fun too

Happy New Year Pinniped

I like the chattier feel. Maybe a touch too much question, but that's really nitpicky.

The sense that you want him to stay wild is strong, (and I agree 100% with that).

It is a bit heavy in the use of question marks LLWaz. I can understand why you might want to pick at that nit. It just seemed like the sort of piece where you should ask rather than tell the yak about itself. To be polite, sort of .... because it's its own person. If you know what I mean