h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: I let something show too - A14049137
Author: ianhimself - U5477852

this fiction is about love ... about the moment when history and baggage melt into unimportance and the now becomes the possible future ..... and about music and conversation

thoughts and opinions much appreciated...thanks

This is really fine work.
Beautiful, patient pacing and character development.

Thanks so much for posting it.

One comment - the line about 'the moment when history and baggage etc' from your posting affected my reading of this. At least I think it did. I read it expecting a story about the beginning of a relationship, whereas without the hint it might have been more ambiguous. Until the very end, it could have been about an unwelcome pass, or a missed opportunity, or all sorts of out-turns.

Do you want to telegraph the resolution? If you do, you might add that line at the beginning. It's a good one.

For me, too, the 'streetlights taking the piss' jars a bit. This is straight away good enough to draw a reader in without resorting to attention-grabbers.

Thanks once again. See you've got more, which I'll now go read, and that you know Flame. Very auspicious.

Pin

Ah, Pinniped. Glad you've arrived ! Glad the author is in good hands

Glad all over it would seem

Hi Chips

These are class, aren't they? (I saw you posted to the others too)

I get quite excited when a new star rises

Hello Pin

I have so much enjoyed reading this one. Very atmospheric. Good old Birmingham sounding atmospheric and almost Parisian

Yes, it's good to see new talent about.

What is wrong with me !

Why do I keep repeating myself

That's kind of stunning into silence. It's a beautiful story. About love and music and conversation as you say, and about making contact and breaking down walls.


Mostly wordless, I can pick up on Pin's comment - 'streetlights taking the piss' does stand out and yell for attention but it was also a first clue that Michael wasn't as confident as he seemed. I think I warmed to whoever was seeing them like that right from that point.


Thank you for posting it. I'm not reading anything else tonight - I'll stay with this one for a while.
Waz

That's lovely lll

Hi ianhimself, here to say that another of your entries, this one, has been chosen for the <./>underguide</.>. Congratulations, as said on the thread here, it's a very fine piece, a very enjoyable read in all sorts of ways and it was an easy pick for UnderGuide Miners.

You know the drill with Polishers etc, so I won't repeat that. Many thanks for sharing this one. Here's a to its week on the front page.

And its week is now. Later than planned due to a hitch the week it was originally lined up for.

Btw, you won't be automatically subscribed to conversations on the UnderGuide copy. And there's one comment left there already.

It's so nice to get proof of people reading these entries .

Thanks for this one ...... it's great to see this...

I've not been around for awhile ... the last 12 weeks have seen me finish the "novel" ..... well i call it a "novel" .. but until it's published it's not anything really .... ....but this is most encouraging

dr ianhimself

i'd anglicise 'undeserved gravitas' before i'd remove
'Taking a piss in the gutter' - this is a first class
short story - you must get it into the real world - sell
it - i envy your facility - if you have a day job - quit
and write full-time - this work, reminiscent of Hesse's
'Steppenwolf' but set in the modern world, should make
it to the 'New Yorker' - good fortune to you - langsandy

the day job is fun though .....!

but thanks so much for this comment. I kinda liked that story myself....well not so much the story as the style i wrote it in ...though i'm a little unsure about the viewpoint that allows us to see into two peopole's heads at once .... that, i think, is its main weakness