h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's probably the most fashionable type to have in an Olypic year. It could spawn a whole line of 'Lean cuisine' black puds, advertised by skinny models in athletic outfits.

JTG

Oh no, look what you've started! Linda McCartnet is now designing veggie black puds.

I mean have you tasted her veggie sausages? They're disgusting.....just like the real thing.

Simmie's patented blood modifiers - ORDER NOW! If you are suffering from Skinny blood then try Simmies Blood Emulsifier to help thicken you up! If thick blood is your problem, then try Simmie Blood Diluter! Order today and get a free Scotch pie!

Hmm, looks like Golden Syrup and a bottle of water to me. Still I can't resist a free Scotch pie.

*hands over 50 green ones*

I'll have one of each thank you.

*grabs them and runs off whistling Colonel Bogiy*

Due to complaints regarding Simmie brand Blood viscosity regulators we must print the following disclaimer: May contain nut traces. Thank you.

Are the 'nuts' the volunteers you recruit to donate the stuff?

Seasonal blood viscosity whatsits would sell well in Canada, I think. Partly because of the climatic extremes and partly because the place is chock full o' nuts already.

JTG

It's actually a bit spooky the way that this conversation has re-emerged from the ether. You see I was flicking through the Press & Journal yesterday and lo and behold there was and article about Deep fried mars bars! Some Edinburgh cafe was trying to take credit for their invention, when everybody knows they were created in the Haven fish & chip shop in Stonehaven! Seems that you really can't go for long without deep-fried food once again becoming part of national discussion. Long live traditional scottish food!

Yep, it's certainly lasted longer than the people who eat it.

Tub of lard anyone?

I'll take 2. I'm planning to make a few clootie dumplings to use as shot putts for the Lonarch Games this afternoon... The amount of pies those caber lads get through is scary.

I was back up in Glasgow last week and got through a scary amount of fried food. It is amazingly good at keeping you upright during a drinking session I find. I am going to have to starve myself for a week or two mind, to make up for it.

Starve yourself for a few weeks? Bit optimistic ain't it? Scottish brand deep fried food has the spectacular ability to remain a part of your metabolism for months after you have ceased eating it. One slice of deep fried pizza can take up to 6 months for your body to cope with! Best to keep using the Simmie brand blood viscocity reductionator if you ask me. That'll be £20 please...

Hang about, this looks very like a can of Tennents Lager with the name scratched off. Your not trying to diddle us here are you?