h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everyone in the whole world is now attracted to you only. The human population of the world goes extinct in one generation.


I wish I had time to go to the juggling meet this evening.

You have. Anyway, there´s an uninvited killer at that meeting who slaughters you all. If you hadn´t had time, it you would have survived the massacre.
I want a sofa.

Granted. Unfortunately, you'll have to dig it out at the landfill due to a delivery mistake.

I wish I didn't have to carry all the drinks up the hill.

Now you have to carry them to my house! By the way, it´s in Germany.
I need a new toothbrush.

Granted. Your toothbrush is manufactured for halitosis-filled hippo mouths but enjoy the industrial-strength bristles and over-sized handle

I wish I could write properly

You have a proper handwriting now. You cannot write anymore because you lost the ability.
I want a Pan-Galactic Gargle laster.

Granted. Unfortunately you are so inebriated afterwards that you go mental and have to be kept in a hospital for the medically insane for the rest of your life.


I want an Improbability Drive.

Granted. As you switch it on, lotsa apes appear and talk to you about their "Hamlet" manuscript. Your brain implodes. All that is very improbable.
I need a hippopotamus!

One falls from the sky and squashes you flat. ah well.

I wish I could do GuideML!!!

(So do I.) Now the only language you can use is Guide ML. That includes, of course, English. Have a nice day.
I want some fudge...

*TING* - HERE I AM! Not as tasty, but hey.

I wish for a level playing field

a thousand elephants fall onto your back lawn making it as flat a plying field as you could wish for.

I wish i could type faster.

You can type really fast now. You totally overcharge your keyboard. It breaks.
I need a new keyboard...

Here's Taz the Hedgehog's - oh, it's still broken by the way

I wish I could go back to Nov 22nd 1963

you attempt to buid a time travel machine. it works but unfortunately only your bottom half makes it to 1963

I wish i had a new keyboard

You already have a new one - it's Taz's! BE GRATEFUL! HEHE

I wish people would be more grateful!

granted, everyone is grateful when the hired assasin kills you

I wish that I could fly

you can for a brief few second while falling off a cliff


i wish i could make love potion