h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Someone gives you an mp3 player but you get arrested for illeagal downloading

I wish it was saturday everyday

It is. Now Monday/Tuesday is the weekend.
I wish to be better at cat Mornington Crescent.

Granted. You are now the best player of Mornington Crescent known to man. However, all of the other players accuse you of cheating and won't play with you anymore.

I wish I had a car.

You now have two cars. They are both 1cm to the gallon.

I wish I could play football for England.

You can. Unfortunately, you aren´t at the team´s niveau, but the spell still works and the trainer doesn´t let you go. After all, fans kill you.
I want the vacations to be longer. But not too long.

Vacations are longer now, but unfortunately the company you work for has decided that only one person can vacation at a time and you are last in line. You should be able to vacation by next August.

I wish I didn't have to wear a dress to my uncles wedding.

Now you mustn´t wear anything. By the way, I´m 13...
I want to drink a milkshake.

(Alright so your school decides each grade gets a seperate vacation)

You get the biggest best looking milkshake around. It's worth $500 dollars but you get it free if you drink it all. You take one sip and immediately spit it out because it tastes horrible!

I wish I had delicious cooked chicken to eat

You eat it. During the day, you mention that your breath is getting worse and worth. Your neck seems to grow tighter. Finally, you consult a doctor. He tells you that the chicken had an ingredient you are suddenly allergic to. You die.
I want my room to be tidy.

granted. there is now nothing in your room to tidy.

I wish i could go and play badminton right now.

You leave your house. Then, it´s destroyed by a little meteor. You can´t return.
I want to be a little lighter (a little!).

congratulations. you have now morphed into a three centimetre long cigarette lighter.

i wish i could sew!

Please waut while you are transferred into the dark Middle Age. You can listen to some music...

So it is. Your mother has sold you to a big sewing house for 20 years. When you´re free again, you´ll be blind, seriosly ill, and mentally damaged. Anyway, it´s a very good oppoturnity to learn sewing.
I want a babelfish inside my ear.

Granted. Unfortunately, it's the lesser known carnivorous zombie subspecies...

I wish I'd not forgotten my cowl in the car yesterday.

Now you have forgotten your car and kept the cowl. And no more dirty stuff about Babelfish!
I want less homework.

*PING* You will never, ever be able to do any homework now as your home has been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina.

I wish for full recognition of my work-life efforts

Granted, unfortunately, it's posthumous - welcome to the Afterlife!

I wish I could afford a car in the first place! (It wasn't mine)

In the first place? No problem! If you ever manage to find a time machine there is a new car waiting for you at the Garden of Eden.

I wish we had a dishwasher.

Granted. His name's Fred, he charges 100€ per load.

I wish I had done my work this morning

*PING* You have done your work on 29th August AM... in the year 2540.

I wish I had an improved sexual magnetism (though how can you improve on 'top-notch'?!)