h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shame there's no such word as aperitor.

I think I've got it, but someone else should have a go, really.

I kick myself for not getting amputate.

I'll stab wildly in the dark with:
When I saw the figures on my pAD, JUST TORe strips off my accountant.

But that has too mant 't's so.

As did that...

When I saw the figures on my pC RED - I TORe strips off my accountant

That makes sense.

If it is, how about:

Could you help me find my case, it's time for me to go to school.(5)

CREDITOR was correct

Not sure where to start with yours, PBS. It makes perfect sense to me - are you sure you remembered to take the word out?

I could add 'brief' before case, I suppose?

Ah! It's APPLE

...my cap, please, it's time...

Assuming that was right, here's a new one...

If this is the ladies war, all ask for a transfer. (8)

Apple is correct.

Icy is yours DANDYISH?

If this is the ladies ward, Andy, I shall ask for a transfer.

Ooh, very, very close...

I think I have it, but I'll someone else have a go.

OK, I can't sit on my hands any longer.

DIMINISH

If this is the ladies ward I'm in, I shall ask for a transfer.

That's the one!

Be Eris? No use. To you, night sounds better. (9)