h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: If Barbie is so Popular - A3044747
Author: Desinc_Scorpio - U916386

Just a short story that struck me while watching my little sister playing with barbies... No, they were not MY barbies. She would have been killed if she was caught with them.

Hi there Desinc,

I read this, and I like the idea, .

Shades of bitterness, but hey, not always a bad thing, .

I like the way you've used structure with the repeated short 'not perfect' questions interspersed through the piece, it works well. And I think as a whole the style is good. Simple but effective.

On the negative side, I think the text could do with a polish here and there. I don't really like the way you refer to 'males' and 'females', , and "under garments" sounds odd to me. Little things like that could be improved with a re-read and tweaking session, i think.

Fairly late on you have an odd sentence with <>

- even if you make it 'perfected', I still don't like the concept. I mean, I know the whole thing is kind of about people's odd ideas about perfection, but this seems to put it too bluntly... well, just my opinion, of course,

anyway, thanks for posting, and all the best with the writing
cya
spiff

Nice short story - often the problem with short stories is they seem like they are not the full story, as it were, but this one is compact, has a beginning a middle and an end.

Nice twist at the end as well.



sprout

Congratulations! Your piece has been picked from the Alternative Writing Workshop (AWW) by our miners and has been accepted by the editors for inclusion in the h2g2 UnderGuide. It will be featured on h2g2's front page in due course and then be displayed on the shelves of the UnderGuide Archives at A2112490 and the official archives at C1233.

More information and a link to what happens next can be found at the <./>underguide</.> HQ. A helpful friendly Gem Polisher should drop by your personal space soon to talk to you about the next stage of the process. Or, if there is no polishing to be done, the UG edition of your entry will appear on your homepage before it features on the Front Page.

Thank you for contributing to the UnderGuide!

*waves to spiff* you've been missed around here

Hopefully Desinc_Scorpio will be around for some polishing discussion with a gem polisher.

(Waz)

And as a final note this has been added to the archives A2112490 in tales and stories A1077851