h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Thinking for Money, Sex, Peace and Mushrooms - A2834912
Author: Deeety - U767438

What would you do if you woke up with this skill.

Well, my first thought would be to make some money, by finding a casino and playing a lot of blackjack or poker. It would be a tremendous advantage to know what the other guys cards are.

At race courses, it should be easy to figure out which horses' or dogs' owners were just running them for exercise, and which were betting on their own animal. Not a sure thing, but a great advantage.

For the sex, I'd go to lively clubs where people were already feeling friendly and looking to find new friends, find some that have been drinking enough to loosen up, and use the same 'tell them what they want to hear' approach; but add the 'touch them how they want to be touched' and 'do to them what they want done'. You could cut your losses if they lost interest, and find someone more agreeable.

World Peace? A laudable ideal, but not likely to happen with humans until we've evolved further.

I k
I knew that you were going to say that

Good money raising points.

I purposely failed on the sex, not just for the humour but also in case the wife ever reads it.

Good thinking, married man!

The scenario suddenly reminded me of a Mel Gibson movie, 'What Women Want'. Even the limitation of being able to read half the available minds seems to work!

Yes, I have seen the movie and from what I remember he did rather better at both sex and money, still it was Mel Gibson, so I reckon that he would have done well even without the mind reading

I think I will settle for the porcini mushrooms, seeing how fast news and gossip travels around these small villages, it’s dangerous even thinking about it.

As a waiter or a bartender that ability would be worth a fortune. Bring home would become 3-4 hundred a night, type of currency is irrelevant. Even better would be as a used car salesman, or even a real estate agent. Just imagine the money that could be milked out of a person using what they really want to hear.

One thing's obvious from this entry, Deeety doesn't have the criminal mindset. Otherwise he would have found many ways to make money.

Well, you obviously never brought any porcini mushrooms before(check them out in one of your local stores), they sell for a fortune around here (and they grow here!).

Like I said, they are worth their price in gold, the only problem is finding them, so I think I am going to settle for a mushroom broker. They only grow in the months of June and September, so lots of holidays.

Also, you are talking “big city milking” where there is very little chance to bump into the same person more than once. Here, I am continuously bumping into the same people every day, I would have to commute to work or develop my long distance thinking skills.

Waiter or bartender, lots of tips could be earned, true, but you would have to put up with a lot of “crying in my drink” sorrowful stories,

type of currency irrelevant? – were you hinting at goal number two? If so, then 3-4 hundred a night (or even 3 to 4) would cause severe physical and mental exhaustion which could lead to the loss of the ”will to think” or do anything else…..

Great Entry! Considering your goals and means it is nice to know this ability has not been wasted on someone who might abuse it.

Remember 'Groundhog Day', Bill Murray had the armored car's delivery schedule figured out down to gusts of wind and dog barks! Of course noone ever missed the money, 'cause it happened again the next day!

Not hinting at any goal in particular, just thinking with a criminal mindset on how to use that ability to make money. People are essentially the same wherever you go. Subjet to the same foibles of ego, the same insecurities and the same arrogences. The same inability to spell correctly. If a person can speak the language and has this ability, then there is no accounting of how much can be accomplished.

Then again, I've never heard of porcini mushrooms.

I agree, the longer this goes on and the more schemes come to mind of how to make more money or gain more power, mainly at other peoples expense. Even the mushroom scheme isn’t that moral, you could probably exchange “mushrooms” for any sort of merchandise.

I have noticed that there isn’t a guide entry on Porcini Mushrooms, so I cannot give you a h2g2 link, but basically in Italy the Porcini mushroom is very close to the truffle (although a lot more common).

Truffles- http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/A241912

Like truffles they cannot be cultivated and have to be hand gathered in woods. They are not easy to find and some years (like this one 2004) not many decide to pop up. –

This year we are talking about 20/25 euro a kilo for fresh porcini.(three times more than two years ago, when there was an abundance). On the net you can buy dried porcini for about 5 to 7 dollars an oz. (The price also reflects the fact that you get a lot more mushroom if you remove the water)

Greast by themselves, with pasta or risotto.

umm. I think that tomorrow I will see if I can have some...(Now am I reading my own mind)

You are very kind, but I think just having those goals would at some stage lead to temptation and consequently abuse. (sneaky is right with his “foibles of ego”). but as I haven’t really got those abilities then I can act very moralistic, besides it’s a lot more fun sticking to the basics, rather than it becoming a big business thing.

I do remember 'Groundhog Day', I liked the film, but I don’t think I would personally like to be stuck in the same day for an eternity, besides this “mind reading” ability would be useless in that situation, any advantage gained would be wiped out at the end of the day and you would have to start again.

Bill Murray was quite lucky with his day and location, an eternal Andie MacDowell isn’t that bad -- You can imagine my luck, in my eternal day I would probably be high up a mountain, miles from anywhere and the rest of the cast would consist of hardnosed mushroom pickers. – Just the thought of it makes me cringe…

Yes, that would be quite a predicament. Bill escaped by finding love with a woman he couldn't stand (I recall the feelings were mutual), but alas he didn't stop trying. He would do what he thought might matter or release him. Fantastic love may free us, but then again it may convert us to hard nosed mushroom pickers in our own right.

I'd be stumped. There are no valuable mushrooms in my small Shropshire village.

I could work for Village Peace. I suppose . I'd really rather not know what all my neighbours were thinking though.

On the other hand I might find out for certain if the rumours about the village peacock's disappearance are true. And where my missing courgette plants went. And the wherefore's and who dun its of the village bus shelter's disappearance all those years ago.

Neat entry.

Waz

I to live in a small village and therefore I would not recomend trying to make it anymore peaceful than it already is!

Peace is boring (or at least less interesting)
Mankind is being urged to make peace with his neighbours. This is a very nice thing, kisses on both cheeks, handshaking, hello’s and have a nice day.

Very nice, but also very boring, I mean peace may be ok for places like Baghdad, New York and London but villages are to small for such a luxury.

If villages becomes any more peaceful, then people will start dieing of boredom or be forced to join the priesthood or organize mass picnics for their excitement.

Small places like this need conflicts, make an enemy and help keep the village alive, take down those peace flags and greet your neighbour with some creative language and a meaningful visual sign.


Stop village boredom liberation Front.



ps: your courgettes were getting very bored and have been replanted on a more exciting allotment, close to a nuclear power station. They are doing very well and are in no danger of ever being eaten.

Thank you for the tip off about the courgettes and the advice. I tracked the courgettes down with a geiger counter borrowed from the Secret Nuclear Bunker down the lane.

They look quite radiant, positively glowing with health. They put all the marrows at the produce show to shame and quite stole the show. The Village is now alive with grumbling discontent and flying accusations. Two birds with one courgette you might say. If it hadn't been two courgettes.

Waz

...
Glad you found your courgettes, I am sorry to hear that their exposure turned them into criminals and I hope you get your show back soon.