One morning I woke up with a new skill, I was able to perceive what other people were thinking. I started to use my newly acquired skill with my partner, answering correctly to every question I was asked, it must have worked as I got a cup of tea made for me. I was in for a big surprise when I got to work, I didn’t think they thought that badly about me, anyhow I put my new skill to work immediately and by 11:30 I was viewed with different eyes. It’s true, people want you to say what they want to hear.
Later in the day I went to buy some porcini mushrooms and wow, I was able to get the price down no troubles, I knew the minimum he would accept so it was easy (although it still cost me an arm and a leg). What else could be done with this new gift, I was keen to put it to work where it matters most:- Money and Sex. Money because with it you can do almost anything you want to and Sex because it’s nicer to do without money.
I decided to start of with money as it normally lasts longer than sex. I wasn’t going to make any real money with pay rises and stuff like that and I couldn’t guess what numbers were going to be drawn in the lotto as presumably nobody knows. Living in a small hilltop village wasn’t any good for high finance deals either (the mushroom season was nearly over ) so I went to Milan and hung around the stock exchange hoping for a few good thoughts, no luck there either, most were just guessing, I needed to be close to someone who matters, a company takeover lawyer, Giovanni Rana’s ingredients advisor, or something like that, to much research work involved so I went back home.
After hanging around the town for a few days I wasn’t any richer, although it’s amazing what people you think you know actually get up to in private, but they are mates and I am against blackmail, besides none have got enough money to make it worth while.
I then decided to use my skill for personal enjoyment rather than personal finances, so I started to concentrate on my second objective. I decided to approach the task systematically, first I would do a quick mental scan and make a list of all the women I perceived needed some extra activity, that way I could eliminate those who weren’t interested in sex. That wasn’t very successful as 99% of the women I scanned fell in that category, even the over 70’s.
So I decided to take the direct approach, using one of my normal sensory skills (my eyes and media influenced male chauvinist views on how a woman should look), I picked out a likely candidate and asked if I could buy her a drink. To my surprise, this method seemed to work, the only trouble being that most of the thoughts were negative (actually that would have been a success, most of them didn’t think about me at all) those who’s thought processes expressed some interest were soon put off by a strange bemused look which seems to take over my face when perceiving their thoughts.
So, in all, my new skill wasn’t any use for the two objectives which I had set. The only thing to do was to set myself a third objective, yes, Peace and Love in the world. Again living in a small hilltop village wasn’t very advantageous, I am not saying that everyone gets on but its not the same compared to other world happenings. – I can do something good with this skill, I can perceive both sides and therefore help in negotiating world peace deals. –I was probably the best qualified peace talks negotiator on Earth at that moment in time, but how can you apply for the job, You need two degrees and be able to speak10 languages before they even accept you for an interview.
Oh, well, I better start thinking of objective number 4. umm, so 1 was money, 2 was sex, 3 was world peace, now what can objective number 4 be. Well. After a few sleepless nights and some deep soul searching I decided to concentrate on mushrooms, not just any mushroom, I am talking about the porcini mushroom. Like gold it is difficult to find and keeps it’s value, besides around here a man with decent sized good quality mushrooms has got more pulling power than David Beckham and Sean Penn put together.