A Conversation for The Alternative Writing Workshop

A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 1

minorvogonpoet

Entry: The Euthanasia Hotel - A19125416
Author: minorVogonpoet - U3099090

I don't know if anyone's interested in seeing my revised version of 'The Euthanasia Hotel', which I first contributed to the Autumn Crit Run.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 2

Trin Tragula

Certainly am! Though I'm sorry I never read the first version. Having had a read of this and a glance through that, this seems much fuller and more detailed.

I thought the tension built up very well as it went on, after the actual arrival at the Hotel and it all got quicker and more exciting - certainly pulled me through.

If I was going to make a criticism, the end did leave me wanting something more - it did seem a bit clear-cut at that point: despotic government, plucky ageing freedom fighters. I wondered too, in the sections where they're getting away - I didn't really get a sense of them as being the age they are supposed to be (which would be a nice irony, the willing spirit, the treacherous body).

But I enjoyed this smiley - smiley


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 3

minorvogonpoet

Many thanks. smiley - smiley I did find it difficult to know where to end this - obviously our protagonists could face all sorts of dangers and problems in trying to get away and start again. There are issues here that might warrant a longer and more serious approach - but I was only trying to write a short story!


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 4

Still_WRD

Wonderful, I definitely see the improvement from the last version (this was my favorite entry in the crit run, and one of my favorites that I've read overall). The characterization was better, and the whole thing was more heart-felt, but kept the voice of the original.

One thing that I did notice, however, was that the end seemed very abrupt. I understand the dificulty of ending this. I could almost see this developing into a book, but like you said, it's meant to be a short story. I think that no matter what you do, it will leave me wanting more, but I don't remember the original ending being this abrupt. It seems to just cut off.

Also, I'd like to see more of Reg. This is just a personal thing, but he seems like he could develop into a very cool character. Of course, I'm not sure how well that could be done in the context.

A last thing is that your formatting is showing. I think that your s need to be , or vice-versa, whichever they aren't now.

Anyway, thanks for putting this up, I smiley - loveblush it!


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 5

minorvogonpoet

Thank you. I must admit that it's taken me a while to find out how to make good use of ths site and I'm a beginner at GuideML!


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 6

langsandy

dr MVP - you can't leave them their
standing in shite - there's a river
running by - they can take advantage
of it - sort of get out in the swim
of things - escape - can you see it?

good luck


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 7

Fizzymouse- no place like home


What a brilliant story - it had me gripped to the end. Well done.smiley - applause

I think the easiest way to format in guide ml is begin a paragraph with and end it with it'll make it much easier to read.smiley - goodluck


smiley - mouse


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 8

LL Waz

The < BR/ >s are the right way round (an exception to the usual open instruction < X >, close instruction < /X > rule) ... did you select 'GuideML', (as opposed to 'Plain text'), by the 'Change Style' button? It's down below the box where you enter your piece of writing. That's the only thing I can think of as to why this is displaying all the GuideML tags.

P tags are the standard h2g2GuideML for paragraphs, putting a line space between them that some find easier to read on screen. BR/s give a more print-like look. Here, outside the Edited Guide, it's your choice, mPv.

smiley - popcorn

This idea of mass, systemised, euthanasia's facinating - difficult to contain in a short story. It's a good, entertaining read and I enjoyed the extra detail. I think you could get more from it still, but that's a question of how much you want to put into a short story. More angst from Eleanor for instance - she's gone along with the euthanasia principle, losing her husband to it, presumably accepting it as necessary for her grandchildren's generation - yet now here she is unwilling to make the sacrifice.

Reg seems fiesty, I could imagine him having no time for that and having bruises where he did try to leg it!

The ending seemed more abrupt to me too. You're not writing a novel though... I wonder if making abruptness a feature would work? You know, having them all a bit non-plussed looking 'Now what?' at each other, just like the reader's doing. A firey Reg could say 'begger 'now what?'! We're alive! Up the Revolution! Go you Greys!' smiley - biggrin. Or using langsandy's idea, 'begger 'now what?'! We're alive!' and leaping into the river yelling 'Up the Revolution!'

Some more punch in the last lines, some sort of impact would give a satisfying finish.

All just smiley - 2centsworth. Thanks for re-posting. Not just because I enjoyed reading this and thinking about it again, but also I think you're helping to make this part of the site work better.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 9

LL Waz


PS, back on the technical stuff - like Fizzymouse, I do find the spaced paragrahs easier to read, but when challenged as to why, I can't say.

I've no difficulty with a simple new line when reading print on paper. Even in small print. I think it's just what h2's got me accustomed to.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 10

minorvogonpoet

Thanks everyone! smiley - smiley I found that I'd simply failed to click on 'change style'. And I have rewritten the end, to give them a chance to clean up and reflect a bit.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 11

LL Waz

I like the new ending, it fits the characters, the tone of the rest of the piece and is nicely satisfying. The water over the rocks gives a feel of moving on, fresh chances. It's good.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 12

minorvogonpoet

Thanks! smiley - smiley


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 13

Still_WRD

I agree, it's actually satisfying now. Wonderful job!


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 14

U1250369


I thoroughly enjoyed reading your revised version of The Euthanasia Hotel.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 15

minorvogonpoet

Thanks everyone! smiley - smiley


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 16

UnderGuide Editors

Congratulations, mVp, smiley - bubbly. The UnderGuiders voted The Euthanasia Hotel into the <./>underguide</.> and onto the Front Page for a well deserved week.

I'm not sure it will get any extra bookings from the experience smiley - winkeye, but h2g2 readers will enjoy the story.

Thank you for posting it here.


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 17

Fizzymouse- no place like home



smiley - bubbly

smiley - applause


Very well done.smiley - ok



smiley - mouse


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 18

U1250369



Congratulations smiley - magic


A19125416 - The Euthanasia Hotel

Post 19

minorvogonpoet

Thank you, folks! smiley - smiley It was actually a bit of an experiment, a change from my usual stories, which are dull and domestic!


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