h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The old Infocom text adventure version of H2G2 added this verse. The order of the lines would change within the second verse, because part of it was used to solve a puzzle in order to release the Atomic Vector Plotter without blowing up the Vogon Construction ship...

Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk!
Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt.
Fipping Lyshus wimbgunts awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs.
Gerund withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose.


I'd also like to find the full poem "Ode To A Lump Of Green Putty I Found Under My Armpit One Midsummer Morning," but I think that was only shown in full in the background of the H2G2 tv show.

Thanks again for the second verse, I've put it in.
I don't think you'll be able to find the poem 'ode to a lump of green putty..' as I think only the title was mentioned by 'The Book' in both radio and TV series but the poem wasn't recorded. Ah well !
Thanks agin A.M.

No, but there was something strange in the tv show where the narrator talked about the poem, probably the same words as in the novel or radio version, but in the background on the screen, you could make out the full poem! It was something like...

Putty. Green.
Grutty. Peen.
Gruttutty. Green.
(another ten lines of weirdness.)

Not as inspiring as Vogon poetry, but it was there. Also the dead swans poem was shown in the background on the TV show version. Remember how Vogon Poetry is supposed to be the THIRD worst in the universe? And Ode to a Lump of Green putt was second worst. The number one worst was by a feminized version of one of Adams' college chums, and it was all about some dead swans like in a mud puddle or something? I shall be forced to go home and check my scratchy videotaped copies of this to see what the poems were.

Hmm.. Interesting, I too video'd (vidded ?) the TV series. I,ll have to dig it out if I can find it and have a look. Trouble is I moved house last year and it's either in an unpacked box somewhere or I lost it in the move.
Did you know by the way that you can't get six half hour programs on a three hour tape, quite ?? I probably have the only copy in existence with the very end missing, just where you get the answer. A.M.

I only have one or two of the episodes. Even if you watch the whole thing, the ending isn't very satisfying when you knwo there's another two to three books that aren't covered by the tv series. (Maybe this is only a problem in the States. I never knew they made it into a tv show until I had probably read the first four books.)

I'll have trouble finding my tapes too. I remember taping the early Red Dwarf episodes on the same tapes with Twin Peaks (***brag*** I have every episode of Twin Peaks!!***), but not sure if H2G2 is taped along with them, or mixed in with the rest of the rabble.

Well I've actually found mine !! All I've got to do is sit through it again. I'll get back to you... again!
Never could get the hang of Twin peaks though I'm afraid. A.M.

Yep, you are right. All is revealed in the updated page.
In reverse order the winners are...
Vogon poetry. Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz,
Second worst The Azgoths of Kria, Grunthos the Flatulent with 'Ode to a lump of green putty..'etc and 'Zen and the art of going to the Lavatory'.
And the winner is...
Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings with her poem to dead swans (untitled)

I feel inspired !! All the best A.M.

Looks great. I think the "Ode to a Lump of Green Putty-" was the thing I laughed the hardest at when I first read H2G2.

Help I am being held prisoner inside h2g2 and have no release for my lamp post leaning tendencies !!!!!