h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Weight Watchers part three...Mothers Day - A1012744
Author: useless hound - U214221

And there's unfortunately more.
take care
boots

What a fabulous opening. Immediately sets the tone. The narrator is annoyed again and don't we know all about it. The opening rant is well observed, I love everything about Oliver, his father and the chololate coated calla lily. Pure insanity.

Not many nit picks for you, the writing is pretty tight in this installment.

I wasn't sure about the line 'Take them to football, let them trash Tesco but keep them away from flower shops.' Not sure why though. Something about the paceing I think.

Not sure how this fits into the set as a whole...not really much about dieting in there. It's installment three, the midway point, and with there being so little about dieting it seems almost like an intermission, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. After all it's the central character and the absurdities that crop up in her life that ties it all together more than the dieting thread.

It is generally less crammed with different elements so it is, overall, 'lighter'. I think I'd like to see some more complexity in this one. Where different elements are introduced they're brushed over quite quickly. They serve to touch base with the major themes but don't expand them significantly.

I liked that the staff's response to her mood was so telling ('The standard eyes down 'not me Mum' silent reply resonates guiltily through the shop.'). It created a great deal of depth. I could see just from those little glimpses that they know her moods terribly well and keep their heads down and wait it out - if they know what's good for them .

Similarly the transformation from furious to delighted with the arrival of one of the offsprung was humourously done. It's these extremes that make it so funny. Well that and the gifted writing, your flair with words is, as ever, delightful.

Good too was seeing more of the shop. This episode, more than any of the others, fleshes out that setting and it's a good one to use.

I thought that the conversation with Angela could have been a touch longer. Not by much but I think you missed an opertunity to develope her a bit more.

****

I'm trying to just cover what I see as the most important points so that I can comment on more of them. If you want more detail let me know

I hope the greasy spoon/market trip was fun...

Great critique and spot on with the 'Take them to football, let them trash Tesco but keep them away from flower shops.' It bothered me at the time but then that satisfying lazy streak kicked in and I just pretended it was ok!
Will go and re-read the Angela passage. I'm sure you're right. It is complicated sometimes, there are so many things I want to say (have observed and want to cram in) that I find myself playing thought process shorthand (assuming the reader is there with me) stupid boots!
Then at other times I find myself writing stuff that never happened at all but so should have done and the characters actually begin to believe it did when they read it! That's great fun!
Market was early. The boys (market variety) are always great, and rude, and incorrigable wind up merchants...I got things like
'Do I know you?' 'Oh you managed to find an A-Z then?' I haven't been for a while but they are still brill...grayer but brill!
Rest of the day was complete arse, but have just had excellent french evening class, it sort of washes over me but in a soothing fashion. Don't think I understand a word and when I do, it turns out to be the wrong one.
Have to finish post entry now. Had to write to new imposed discipline this week. Interesting. Not easy but interesting.
Take care and still thanks, it really is helping though I suspect the improvements will take a bit longer.
take care
boots

Where have you got to boots? You're missed around here. Where ever it is, I hope all is going well.

In your absence, here's a toast to "Weight Watchers part three...Mothers Day" not only being selected for the UnderGuide, but being the QA's Gem of the month's picks.

The QA review: "GEM OF THE MONTH: I’d forgotten how good boots is. This is just so snappy and sassy and bright that everything else looks careworn and portentous by comparison.

The monologue is one of the hardest forms to deliver, with the result that many examples are either stylised or unfunny. To be witty and natural in this genre takes real talent, but boots can do it seemingly at will. She describes a real world too, or at least the one in which her alter ego lives and breathes. It’s invigorating to read about it."

We were hoping to feature this for Mother's Day, but the UK Mother's Day is ridiculously early this year and we've missed it - we can either get it out for the immediately following week, or go for the US Mother's Day date of May 11th.

Congratulations boots, here's to this maybe prodding you back...
UGeds

Hey boots
If you pop back in for a visit you can check out the polished version of your story at A33501539

I had wondered when Mother's Day was in the UK, all I remembered was that it happens before ours in the US. It's already been? That *is* early!

Ours is linked to Easter - I guess about three weeks before, and Easter's really early this year. It caught me out too, luckily mother went to Spain the Saturday before so doesn't know I didn't have anything. Not that she approves of me getting anything .