h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had a similar experience myself, recently.
Decided to put my teeth in first, decently.
Had several strong drinks, then, fortified,
Went off to face the day, mortified.

Oh, the perils of the deep, deep of old age have begun
And I'm still just over 21
[Just over: well, a tiny bit over; well, a little bit over; well, well over ]

Well, wells are full of water,
And if you don't have a daughter,
When living in Morocco
Some dreadful work you have to undertake.
Four litres at a time
From fifteen metres down,
You haul them up without a breath or break.
Wheel forty gallons back,
Across uneven track,
You sometimes think you've really lost your mind.

Psychiatry, c.1933


They told me mother I was mad
They told me dad when his nerves were bad
He went and told me sisters three
But nobody told me

They told my wife that I was odd
Unstable and ill and inclined to be God
They even told the dog next door
Who said 'what're you telling me for?'

They told the local chimpanzee
They told the monkey up the tree
They told the whole of the Queen's Navee
They told the General who ran the Army

But, you see,
They never bothered to tell me.
[I knew nothing:
I thought that day I was off to Butlin's]

They told my brother
They told my friends
It's amazing how quickly
Friendship ends.

That's sad....Mad..but sad!

From another thread, but sort of follows - and it's original

Depending on the time of year,
Emotions change – we find we fear,
Precisely what we are not sure,
Regrets, remorse we can’t endure
Each hour from midnight until day,
Seems haunted by the thoughts that weigh
So heavily upon our mind
In constant conflict we’re entwined
Oh that we could forget the pain -
Next year will likely be the same.

(taking PBS's 1st and last line)


Depending on the time of year
the weather turns; listen, hear!

Here comes the howling wind
of the Storm they call Kyrille!

It comes from Iceland's stormy seas
and brings Europa to its knees!

Next year will likely be the same.

Depending on the season
quiet sunshine retreats,

leaving a wide, blank empty open space for the wind
to come, tearing down fencing with its bare teeth,
Throwing down buildings and cattle.

If you have eyes to see, see.

Global warnings.

Animals in raw agonies of wild-eyed helpless terror
Swept down the main street of another year to a hideous drowning death.

Next year it'll be twice the same.

And we will never ever learn,
The warnings that we don't discern,
As long as all the crazy yanks,
Drive in their 4x4 great tanks,
And teach the chinks to do the same,
The world will not be the same again.
Oil - that is all that is,
Harry Burton's primary bizz,
VP's shoot lawyers with aplomb
And quietly make the next big bomb.
"Do as we say and never cry,
If you do not - you sure will die"

The owl and the albatross got back together,
And said that Chick Deany was mad.
That the rest of the world,
Would later unfold,
And life would then not be bad.
If we clobbered the arms,
Used the money for farms,
And channeled the dosh to the poor,
The poor would be strong;
But the rich would be wrong
G-Dubbya says "No - we are STRONG"

Then the cat and owl and the albatross
Sat plotting one night on an island of moss.
They solved all the problems the world might face,
the Warming, the Terror, the Nuclear Race.
"The world now is perfect" they said to the press.
Don't know how 'twas done, 'cause it was quite a mess.
We now must bow out, for we've mice/fish to catch,
Then tea at the home of a green banderesnatch."

Jabberwoks and slivey toves,
Then ruled the world as one,
The albatross announced that now
His business was but done.

The cat complained, in desp’rate tone,
That only cats can master,
That leaving all the mice alone,
Would be complete disaster.

The owl agreed and hooted loudly,
What WILL we have to eat,
If you great bird – always absurd,
Eat fish but never meat.

A cow spoke up
'Good on yer Al,
We're with you all the way
All this wicked world needs, are dietary laws
And then we'll all be gay
(As long as they're couched in a vegetarian way)'
And all the lambs and all the sheep
And everything we slaughter for fun or meat
They all said just the same.

“You stupid bovine” – the cat replied
“Do you think any of you’d survive?
Who would feed you and keep you – look after your young,
No meat – none of you’d be alive!”

"Life is overrated!" the doleful raven sang.
"One false move, and "Presto!" the ground is plein de sang.
Sleep, at times, ain't easy. The wolves won't let you snore.
You'd like to be a poet? That's likely nevermore!"

'Well, whadda ya know, a talkin' cat'
Said one cow to another
'I saw one in the Highlamds once:
Must have been his brother.'

[sorry - simulpost with Paul]

[and sorry - Highlands not Highlamds. I'll get me coat]

A simulpost or trois
Won't hurt you, la di dah!

My little taunt
Was from Alice's Restaurant
Paul's
Was from Annie Hall
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? [He turns around to look behind him] Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here -
Travis Bickle shows his paranoia and his fear.

Paranoia, my friend, is a good thing to feel,
You're more often right than you're wrong.
The knifes at your back, Death treads on your heel,
Relax, and you wont be here long,
So keep your guard up, the whole world is sick.
Walk softly man, and carry a really big stick.

KL