h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When you're sending someone polystyrene, what do you pack it in?

If women wear a pair of trousers, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

What's another word for synonym?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

How can there be self-help groups?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton wool balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot..

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

What a nice night for an evening.

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

I live on a one-way dead-end street.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Yesterday, my glasses prescription ran out.

I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplough to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

How do you know it's an ENDLESS LOOP?

If the Devil is the opposite of God, why do you get punished by the Devil if you go against God's wishes? Surely they are in league together.

When they made the first clock, how did they know what time to set it to?

"Unauthorized access prohibited"

Can anyone permit unauthorized access? Or prohibit authorized access?

Why is it when you see one of those TV ads about saving a child for $1-00 a day they neglect to tell you that the ad cost $5000-00 to produce and put on air . By their own actions have they wiped out a whole village ? Perhaps the ad should run more frequently so as to erradicate the problem all together ?

If home is where the heart is will you die if you go out ?

If its raining cats and dogs how come i get wet and not a fur coat ?

If a one train travels at 80 mph east and another travels west at 90mph and thier destinations are the same distance from thier point of origin will the meat pies still taste like crap ?

Does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac really stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog ?

How come children can open childproof articles with ease while adults have difficulty ?

Do crash test dummies perform experiments on us ?

Will the human species by its own desire to transform its environment to suit itself instead of evolving to suit its environment cause its own extinction ?

If the human race is the most inteliigent specieson the planet how come we watch crap gameshows ?

Why are we so afraid of the 'undead'?

Aren't we all?

How did the creators of the first dictionaries know how to spell?
Why can`t you get a left angle when you can get a right angle?

Who first looked a cow, and said hey, i think i'll drink whatever comes out of this thing when i squeeze it?