h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well I didn't know what to title this journal post,
and as I am writing it on the laptop (which has a tendency to jump about a bit)
I shall try to keep it short.

Charlie is six months old now and can sit on his own for a few minutes at a time or till something sufficiently distracting comes up and he decides to move. which normally ends in a crying baby,
weaning is going well. Charlie gets some baby food from a jar but mostly he eats whatever we are having,
all be it smaller mushier versions
he is a big fan of mash and carrots as well as quiche ( thats a hard word to spell right...)
and biscoti crumbs have become a constant companion of the living room carpet...
sometimes you just can't vacuum enough

Ephraim is doing well he started singing the Alphabet song unrequested the other night...
and his school work seems to be improving
we have a lovely drawing stuck to the fridge at the moment
he has been disappointed that we havn't had more snow,
despite being in the north west we have only had a light powdering and there was just enough to make a snowball to throw at daddy


I hope the temperature improves soon as the chillyness is starting to get rather unpleasant
especially as I have to wear a hat that comes over my ears when i go out because they become painful in the cold

I have to admit I have had some tough times over the past few months but gladly it seems the worst is now behind us
although there are some people I will never truly trust again as consequence
I don't want to get into things of a truly personal nature here, just to say I have become wary of letting my guard down as a result of someone I thought i knew's actions.
I would like to thank those of you who have helped me out in this testing time even if you haven't realised you've been doing it,
h2g2 has been like an escape that can usually lift my mood from all but the darkest of places.
I wrote a poem once called "goodbye Mr Dark" that was removed from the post by editors at the time because a researcher (mentioning no names) thought it was about them, Jimster once promised he would re-publish it one day, unfortunately jimster is no longer around and I don't know what to do about it, I havn't written any poems since all those years ago, part of me feared that they would end up in the underguide and never see the light of day and even though i was a polisher for the underguide ( if you can believe it) I didn't want my work to end up there,
for many years I thought of myself as an independent, smart, academic sort who could make friends easily enough
these days all those friends are online and I feel somewhat trapped
I was going to apply to go on a teaching course but never got round to doing my personal statement I just seemed to eather be too busy or exhausted, and I find myself at a dead end, I am worried that because my degree is only a third with honers I wont be able to go on to do what I want, worry that no-one respects what I do or what I want to do.
I just don't know any more...

I'm going to stop now because I've made myself cry and I feel a bit silly,
and this has wandered somewhat off topic

Anthea

oh Anthea

Hey Sweetheart

I had kind of picked up hints of what you have been feeling, but not realy the depth of it

What you share here or otherwise and when is, of course, up to you, I will just say that I feel that I have leant on you at times, you have always been there with a supportive post and and as I have said I am very fond of the hello thread and have really appreciated you friendship

So anytime you want to lean back, please do

It is easy to get socailly isolated, when you have small children, and also the contact of work, plus maybe not so much money

I am unsure what to suggest, while you are feeling a bit lost, maybe you are a bit unsure what what you might like to do and what is possible

Maybe a short course at college, or a community centre, something that you are interested in, as confidence boost, the opportunity to meet people, if the cost of the course or finding childcare isn't prohibitive

another and of course

thanks

I think perhaps if I felt i was moving on professionally then i wouldn't be so worried
I dwell on things sometimes
but i just dont know what to put on this application and i'm worried its going to be too late
I mean for my last course i did a qualifying course first but i should already be qualified for this i just cant write anything...

Can i clarify, are you qualified to apply for the course you want?

Is the stumbling block what to write on the application?

This is all quite normal, Anthea - baby blues. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that. It really does exist and can hit you as bad as depression. In a few years' time you will be able to discern the wood from the trees. That, however, is no help to you at the moment, when you are struggling to get out of your rut.

I hope you manage to do whatever it is you are aiming for. If you can't cope with it just yet, just enjoy the kids while they're tiny. It all goes by so quickly, and you will always fret that you couldn't/didn't savour every little chubby, sicky, bubbly moment. So just make sure you make yourself some happy memories.

In other words, whatever you decide, it will be the right decision.

sort of qualified they prefer at leaast a 2.2 but at least i did get the honours if that counts for anything

I do love spending time with the boys but i feel i need to get out and spend some time with adults...
and i want to keep learning but something seems to be stopping me from applying and part of me feels wrong without the boys thats slightly frightening shouldnt i be more than "just a mother" but i love being with them.....

Not wanting to make a huge issue of this,particularly with TC who talks sense

and i think I am going to anyway , sorry TC and Anthea

but I don't think baby blues are normal

Feeling tired, bit run down, and feeling stuck in a rut becuase of the never ending circles of housework, nappies, etc and worrying about your career is normal part of course and are not baby blues

anything beyond that, really isn't,

I am not saying that A is feeling this, but if anyone is feeling particulary low, or overly anxious, or fretful over a consistant period of time, that is not 'normal'

ok, no pun intended

could you delay your application for a year say?

and work on baby steps, get used to being away from the boys,without jumping straight into a full on course or employment, do something(s) that adds to your application

also it would take the pressure of yourself in the mean time to do a 'big thing'

in other words work up to it

Hi Anthea,

You do what you want to do! The boys are fit and well, and there is nothing wrong in you wanting more for yourself. Oh, and my hormones after VC were all over the place for about 7 months, so if you have a touch of depression your can help you

If you still have the poems, get them put into without delay!


lil x

Peanut's right, of course. Baby blues is not "normal". But it is not uncommon. And, as Lil says, there are cures, which you should look into, before it gets too bad.

>>I do love spending time with the boys but i feel i need to get out and spend some time with adults...
and i want to keep learning but something seems to be stopping me from applying and part of me feels wrong without the boys thats slightly frightening shouldnt i be more than "just a mother" but i love being with them.....<<

Yup - that's the new mum's dilemma in a nutshell.

I've never looked at it myself, but I suspect you might find some like-minded people, in the same situation, on mumsnet.

F1926355?thread=533382


feel free to add home grown poems here Anthea,each and every one by all, enhances the thread

happy reading

All I can say is, after the our nippers were born, the Missus has the same feelings too, it's a difficult thing to deal with! Not a easy thing either!



RJR

thanks everyone,
all I can say is I feel a lot better after a decent amounts sleep.
I can't thank you all enough for you r kindness