h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well the summer season is here and along with the glorious (it's coming, it's coming...) weather and beautiful flowers comes probably my biggest phobia...WaSpS...

I've just gone into the kitchen for a coffee and one of the blighters was sat in my window. My best friend was down the shops so I had to deal with it myself.

I approached it in several ways:

1. I "pleaded" with it to go out the window.....at a distance of over 10 feet away from it

2. I "ordered" it in my best Barbara Woodhouse voice to exit my house....again at a distance of over 10 feet away from it

3. I then proceeded to blub like a baby, hoping that this would appeal to it's sensitive side....

The combination of the above 3 has led me to believe they are deaf, arrogant and insensitive

You may think this is a little bit of an over-reaction to such a small creature.....I myself cannot explain why they instill such fear into me.....but I'm constantly on my guard during this weather....this is not the first time I've lost the plot....examples to follow:

One flew into my sons pram when he was days old..my reaction...I ran in the OPPOSITE direction to the pram and left my friend to remove it

Whilst carrying another son as a toddler, one flew at my chest (it did it on purpose I swear it did lol)...my reaction...I THREW my son at my best friend (who thankfully caught him) and ran off again in the OPPOSITE direction doing my bestest impression of a windmill

On a bus into town one night another flew directly down my top (mmmmm maybe the one from above huh??) and I proceeded to have the bus in stitches as I screamed and started beating at my chest Gorilla style

Last year I came downstairs to find my kitchen window covered in them (they'd decided to build a hotel in my roof)...my friend was woken up by a phone call which went along the lines of: (friend) "Hello..." (me)"Aaaaaaaaaargh, blub, blub, blub..." (friend) "Els, are you ok!!!???"...(me)"Aaaaaaaaaargh...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasps"......(sound of phone being thrown down, followed by front door opening)...she found me in a heap on the floor in hysterics

Is there a cure out there or am I destined to spend my favourite season of the year in absolute terror and my best friend a nervous wreck everytime we venture out???.....

Oh yeah....the blighter from this morning is now a carcass on the windowsill....it had an encounter with a box of washing tablets....I'll wait for me buddy to come home to check it's really dead and remove it for me

xxElsaxx

well its only a little prick when it stings you shouldnt bovver you small things should

REBs

story of my life that


ROTF


xxElsaxx

the stripey buggers are evil and must be punished

Get ursen a HUGE tin o wasp killer

Bird an u look so tough as well

ROFLOL

Creachy

A Was Dominator/Dominatrix perhaps??.........feel free to take up residence here for the summer.........

You doing the whole Reading w/end?? I'm going on the Friday

How was the broadcasting??


Jarve

Hiya sweetie

Hope all's good with you n yours

I can't find handbag sized sprays...mind I'd end up mistaking it for me perfume an put meself in casualty!! pmp


Biiiiiiiiiiird

U alrite??

I can see the funny side of it n me m8 is dead good with it....even when, cpl weeks ago, coming home from school one was round my head and I dropped to a crouching position (think I was trying to make meself invisible), started whimpering and grabbed her skirt that hard I nearly pulled it down.....

Erm...that photos deceiving!!!!


xxElsaxx

your 'encounters' had me in stitches

i am doing the whole weekend, it's gonna ROCK! but i didn't turn up for my radio show. i got truly plastered in good old rock 'n' roll style

hello Biiiiird

Yeah im good u?
hope the kids r too

lmfao....erm how u make yourself invisable...u still got the pink hair?

take care

ill give u a ring sometime next week

oh yeah bird u like me name...i think it sounds like a dominatrix sorta thing lmao

Zoe

wait till you come down here in august will wear me yellow and black striped jumper watch out for me STINGER!!!!

REBs

oi u Creachy

what you ing me for, and stop with the goddam ing woman!

Creachy u like it really

Creachy

I'm in stitches after it's happened.....but I just can't control myself and I KNOW I look a plonka when I'm in the throws of an "episode"

Oooops...will you have the opportunity to do the show again??

Can't wait to get to Reading, this will be the first festival I've ever done...all excitipated about it


Biiiiiiiiiiiiiird

Ring whenever you want hun, not a problem

Me hairs back to white at the mo, the baby pink was only a semi...but got a rite nice "hot pink" permanent one I'm putting in for Reading

It's a psychological thingy with trying to be invisible.....and it keeps me supple......pmp

xxElsaxx

...... out to buy a HUGE can of bug killer

Bring it on REBs u overgrown mosquito......

xxElsaxx

what bands are you most excited about seeing?

i shouldn't think so. they keep phoning me but i don't really want to do it anymore not cut out for fame in that capacity

Cheers Bird will do

Love N Hugs

Zoe xXx

oh yeah bird got a piccy of a furry hobbit

Creachy

Linkin Park , Placebo and Blink182 n Bowling for Soup are on the Friday...so a good day to go for me

Would've liked to do the V festival on the Friday, Foo Fighters, Killing Joke are on...but alas it's not to be. Got offered a ticket for the Saturday, but the only band on then I'd like to see is Chilli Peppers....Morcheeba and David Gray are playing too....but at £80 it's not worth it I don't feel


Biiiiiiiiiird

And........what d'ya think??

xxElsaxx

BIIIIIIRD

Like a rough Keanu Reeves 'tasty'