h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder what sort of community service Paris Hilton would do in Hypatia's library?

There is another troubling situation at the library that involves a disabled child. I need to vent. Don't know if anyone is still subscribed to this conversation or not.

The girl involved is about 13 or 14 but has the mental age of a 4 year old. She is taller than I am and outweighs me by at least 50 pounds. Unlike most of the disabled people who come in regularly, she definitely does not have a likeable, pleasant personality. Quite the opposite. And she is strong. Very strong. I found this out when I was trying to remove a DVD from her that she wanted but hadn't been processed yet.

This brings up the first problem. She wanders into staff only areas all the time and refuses to leave when we tell her she shouldn't be wherever it is. She constantly wanders behind the circulation desk and into my office. She wanders upstairs into processing. She is this big, hulking girl who will not listen to anything anyone says. It isn't that she doesn't understand what we're telling her. It is much more her being willful and determined to have her own way.

The girl has my sympathy, as does her mother. But the mother comes in to use the computer lab, then sits and reads papers and magazines and then searches the stacks for books to check out. So it is usual for them to be here 2 hours or longer at a time. And the girl is often ignored by the mother, especially when she's using a comupter. She roams around creating havoc.

The first problem is annoying. The second problem is the one that has me worried. The girl goes up to young mothers with infants and wants to play with the babies, even pick them up. I imagine she genuinely likes babies and doesn't intend harm, but she is so strong and has such a temper that the worst case scenario keeps flashing through my mind.

The girl's mother has threatened the school district with lawsuits in the past over real or perceived slights. If I ask the woman not to bring the girl in anymore, I will be the villain. How dare I prevent a handicapped child from using a public library! It would be a PR nightmare. It's a situation where the parents are frustrated, unhappy and very likely frightened for the future of the child.

But - think of the risk this girl presents to the defenseless infants and toddlers. Like I said, she is incredibly strong and willful.

I have thought about asking the parents to bring the girl in at a specified time each week, so at least we'll know when she is coming. But I've been told that I can't insist on anything like this. And I can't ban the girl because of something she "might" do. From both legal and ethical standpoints, I'm between a rock and a hard place.

Can you ask the mother to supervise her in the same way you would th guardian of a 4 year old or is that a percieved slight? If that is the capacity she has she shouldn't be ignored nd left to roam.

Kelli, I have already asked her to keep a better eye on her. That semed to have the opposite effect to what I wanted. The mother seemed even more determined to treat the girl "like a normal child." I've heard her say this many times.

There is a mindset that many people have in situations involving places where they don't really fit in. It's an in your face attitude. "I have the legal right to be here, so telling me to go away will just make me more determined to stay."

I am reminded of a friend of mine when I lived in Texas who wanted to play golf at a country club that restricted women to certain areas and allowed them on the course only at certain times. She was so outraged at the "slight" to women in general and herself in particular that she deliberately set out to be a thorn in their side.

This mother is not going to cooperate with me.

I'm sure you probably already do this, but the only thing I can suggest is each and every time the girl ventures into restricted areas or is being disruptive, immediately fetch the mother away from her magazines and computer. Obviously be very polite about it and insist that is much more appropriate for her to tend to the daughter than the staff to, even suggest liability and insurance issues. The main point is to inconvenience the mother, politely, every time the daughter inconveniences anyone else.

Other than that, I got nothin'.

Yeah, we do ask her to come get her daughter sometimes. We should do this every time.

I think I'll start keeping a diary of events and take it to the city attorney. Just so if she hurts someone I can show that I've been tgrying to find a legal solution.

Definitely stick to your guns as best you can. While inclusivity is admirable and important and stuff, there has to be a limit... you can't change the rules just to accomodate one person and make them "feel normal", whether it's them or someone else asking.

Is there something that the daughter really likes/obsesses over/gets distracted by? I'm thinking of a mental image that may make me unpopular but something like each time she's a problem, like when she's in a restricted area, flash a candy in front of her, wave it, toss it into a more appropriate area and lock the door behind her when she chases it.

This works with my parents chihuahua.

I'll get me coat.

They have somd DVDs out that were due yesterday. This means they'll be in later today or tomorrow -- before the gace period runs out and they owe a fine.

The good thing is how relieved we are when they leave and that we can look forward to a few days without them.

Yes, by all means keep a journal recording the appearances by the mother and daughter. Get all the advice you can from the town legal counsel.

Have you ever read the book "Marley and Me?" There's a priceless chapter in which the obstreporous dog is taken to an obedience school. Every time he dog disobeys, the teacher acts as if it never happened, and exudes positive energy.

Be brave and strong of will. Emulate Eleanor Roosevelt. Sure, you may lose hundreds of battles, but the war can still be won with a stiff upper lip and hope.

And a squeekie toy.

Sorry for all the typos. I'm never going to learn to proofread my posts, it seems.

Eleanor Roosevelt is always a good roll model. I shall strive to be more like Eleanor.

*laughs imagining throwing the girl a squeeky toy when she misbehaves* It couldn't hurt to try.

I am sure the "Plese come and get your daughter from our workstation, this are isn't for public access. We don't want to upset her so best if you come and retrieve her", "Please supervise your daughter in the area, our insurance may not cover it if she hurts herself or damages something, and we cannot spare the staff to watch her for you" over and over again until the message sinks in. Don't interact with the daughter AT ALL, just keep getting the mother to come and sort it out. I would hope that the average person would get it fairly quickly.

It might be a pain to have to keep sending someone to get the mum all the time but it sounds like she takes a fair bit of your time in any case.

I agree with Kelli.