h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No one in America actually knows how to drive. Driving is only something we try to do. Trust me.

I guess. I noticed that every morning there were some people who were able to drive, and others who seemed to have their car on automatic. What I wanted to know is: Is driving in Northern California (blame the editors for saying LA Freeway!) as bad as it is elsewhere in the USA. I am assuming that it is OK in places like Nebraska where no-one wants to live anyway!

Actually, not only is 'out of the way places driving' NOT better than LA, it may in fact be worse.
Driving in the countryside allows for,

1. driving not on a road at all,
2. driving on surfaces considered roads by road maintenance personelle,
3. driving vehicles not authorized in civilization,
4. driving (on a regular basis) by people under 16,
5. driving at night, while entoxicated, with guns, with dogs, with drunk friends, in fields not intended for driving, on the auspices of "wolf" hunting,
6. driving in town with carcases of said "wolves" and or neighbors cattle who "looked a darn sight more like a wolf last night!"
7. driving while spitting chewing tobacco into soda pop cans, wearing a hat too far over ones eyes,
8. driving a vehicle to town that isn't a car or truck.

Now, generally speaking, driving in the United States (please note all other's from this continent use "America" more loosly than the US), is hazardous at all times, however,
driving in Great Brittan is no picnic! In GB you can drink long before you can drive...is this meant as a training period, higher tollerance and all? Round-abouts are OK once you are used to them. The one way roads with little spots to pass are truly interesting, not to mention the habit of once getting your liscense, you keep it until your 75? Most people loose significant acuity of vision by their 60's.
(Not that liscensing folk don't help along the elderly way past prudent in the US).
Don't get me started on London driving...just send half of them home, and the whole concept is still hilarious.

>In GB you can drink long before you can drive...is this meant as a >training period, higher tollerance and all?

Is this true? When I passed my test I was 17 years old, and I wasn't actually allowed to order drink in a pub until I was 18! Was I just victimised by my government, or was this some special bylaw that applied only to my little village?

>Round-abouts are OK once you are used to them.

There is an interesting point here. In the UK we use roundabouts to increase traffic flow (less stopping and starting) whereas here in the US, roundabouts are used to slow traffic down in residential areas... I will always remember a friend of mine who, upon arrival from the US to the UK, couldn't "get over all these goshdarned circles in the road".... Is it truly as bad as 4 way stops are here? Four way stops have a couple of rules:
1) If you aren't sure who's turn it is it's yours.
2) If it's your turn, wait for the daft guy with the big monster truck and gunrack to go first.

>Don't get me started on London driving...just send half of them >home, and the whole concept is still hilarious.

Now, I have to agree with you there. London driving has a specific technique to it... Anything that occurs behind the door handle of the drivers door is not your fault, so you concentrate on your gaps and go for them. Anyone who hits you better have good insurance, and if you hit anyone else, they cut you up. And that's it! easy, eh?

Yeah, the age thing was a slight exaggeration - but it is odd in comparison to a country where you can't drink until you're 9 years too old to marry Jerry Lee Lewis.

As for regional styles I've experienced:
I really liked it in LA outside rush hour - there's none of this macho "overtaking lane" crap because everyone's doing 55 and on cruise control, so your choice of lane is based purely on the distance to your exit, which struck me as pretty civilised.
Texas is distinctly cowboy country, and they do tend to drive their car like a bucking bronco - the wide-open spaces don't instil much lane discipline.
New York driving isn't really driving (especially as you often go hours without actually moving). It's just a street argument moving with the urgency of molasses, combined with breakneck manoeuvres to avoid collisions, and it puts London to shame.
Driving in London is okay so long as you know exactly where you're going and exactly what lane you need to get there - just push your way into it. And you have to know the names of a thousand little boroughs between you and your destination to navigate. And each of those boroughs will have a "High Street", to navigate which you have to drive round three sides of a square. And if you're in the City itself, expecting to have a collision with a motorcycle courier roughly hourly. Otherwise, it's fun!

OK, OK, I was meaning, sure you can get a liscense at 17, but you can't get insurance until your, what?, 21? After all, you can't drink till 21 in the US (leagally that is), but you can get your liscense at 16.
DC driving in rush hour, in the snow (of which they get very little) is really funny. They litteraly shut down the entire government for 1/4 inch of snow.
No, REALLY! People panic.
Chicago on the Loop is ok, but Wakker Drive under all the bridges and through the construction (which I am pretty sure has been their since 1967) is awful. No chance, just wing it...best you can hope for.
By far, I think driving in the middle of no where is the most fun...after all, you can practice driving on the left (as long as you remember not to stay that way).

I forgot Boston - some self-preservation mechanism, I'm sure.

I actually got at one point so that I was driving past the end of the road my hotel was in - no turn, though - and then I found myself on an expressway where the next exit was the other side of town, and it took another 45 minutes to find my way back again. Whoever designed that traffic system is an out-and-out sadist.

Boston is a nice town for walking, though - unlike most places in the US (see Bill Bryson, passim)

One of the best places in the UK to drive is Cambridge. There is a nice ring road that allows you to entirely miss out the city, even if you want to go there, and when you are in the city, it allows no exit - you kind of have to go round and round and round until you acheive some weird sort of escape velocity, and get flung off in a random direction. (Then you have to find your way to where you really want to go). On the whole, I think that driving is pretty sadistic, whereveryou go - especially India.

In India, it seems that there are 3 colours on their traffic lights:

Red, Amber, Green.... This means, "honk your horn and go, Everyone honk there horn and go, and Get a bloody move on!" How people survive in Delhi is beyond me. (although I managed it - I think it is some sort of astral projection thing)

Actually, driving in Redditch (England, in case you didn't know) can be pretty bad too. Everyone I've spoken to who doesn't live here (and quite a few who do) hates it. A lot of Redditch was built over the last 10 - 15 years and the roads are really confusing. (Redditch has been here for ages, but it actually qualifies as a new town).
The trick with driving in Redditch is to know exactly which district you want to go to. You then follow signs for 'All other districts' until you see the one you want, then go down that road.

Another problem with Redditch, caused by all the new building, is that it isn't an easy place to walk around. The older part, where I live, is O.K., but the new areas are all connected by dual carriageways. Footbridges are few and far between, and the only alternatives are to take your life into your hands or use one of the (poorly lit) subways. (Which, in my opinion, is the same thing).

Now, what really pisses me off about other drivers is this: motorways do _not_ have a slow, cruise, and fast lane. One should be as far left as possible UNLESS overtaking!! (Obviously, this is for the UK). They actually did a TV show on this subject, interviewing twits who said they felt safer hogging the middle lane at 65MPH (70MPH is our official limit, 85MPH unofficial), oblivious to the tailbacks / crashes / chaos ensuing around them. Check out my recent article on the M4, perhaps the most annoying road in the UK, for an extended rant!