h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Muhammed Ali (some say the daddy of the put down) once claimed that one of his opponents was "so ugly, when he sweats the sweats runs backwards over his head to avoid his face!"-Simple.Beautiful.Classic.

You're so fat you've got your own area code...

You're so hairy even big foot took a picture of you..

You're so old your social security number is 1...

You're so poor you go to KFC to lick other peoples fingers..

You're so stupid you cook with Old Spice...

You're ugly you tried to take a bath and the water jumped out..

Your teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when you smile...

Your house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind..

Are you talkin' to me m***********?

"I don't need you, I got a vibrator" from Wutang's song Gimme Some More.

Hope I'm never on the receiving end of that one

'You're so fat you have to wear a sock on each toe.'

'Your house is so dirty, you go outside to wipe your feet.'

'You're so fat that the weather bureau has names for your farts.'

'Is that your lower lip or are you wearing a turtleneck sweater.'

'That shirt looked better on the hanger.'

'Nice dress - how are you going to turn it back into a sofa cover?'

'It's amazing what you can do with a sewing machine and a pair of curtains....'

'I believe your father was a boxer... and your mother a dalmation.'

[In response to the sexist comment 'every woman has her price'] 'What was your mother's?'

'You're so spotty, blind people read you.'

You're so skinny, that when you try to drink you fall down the straw.

You're family is so poor, that when somebody dropped a cigarette in your house, your momma sang: "Clap your hands and stop you feet!
Praise the Lord that we got heat!"

You're so fat, that when you wear a yellow raincoat, people yell "Taxi, taxi!" at you.

You're so huge that when you cried people said "I thought God told Noah he wasn't gonna flood the earth again!"

You're so ugly, you make your momma look pretty.

My brain may be microscopic, but at least I have a brain. (You can always just say "At least I have a brain" to any comments like "bugbrain")

...I dunno the last one was a bit rum.

I still don't really understand the wit in the come-back "Your mommas ______" after the '________' is something you've just said.

You're so fat you cant even jump to a conclusion.
You're so fat you sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!

Last time I saw a face like that Frankie Detorri was riding behind one.

He has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

He has a face that looks as if it has been on fire and was put out with a shovel.

When he was born the midwife took one look at him and slapped the mother.

I thought put downs were supposed to be witty - a lot of this thread sounds more like insults or Les Dawson jokes to me.

...Yeah, or Les Dennis.