h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: How to use a computer mouse - A714485
Author: Outofpaper - U107111

I think this should be added to the guide.

Nice start, but how about expanding it a little....

What do the various buttons generally do? without going into programme specific functions...

How come Mac users only have one, while the rest of us have two (or three)... (buttons that is).

What happens when a mouse stops working....

(My boss used to throw her mouse away every two months until I showed her you that if you actually opened them up and cleaned them from time to time they would last a lot longer)


whisky

Like the man said, good start, there are so many things that spring to mind... Like:

3a. If nothing moves when you move your mouse, check that you have taken your mouse out of the protective plastic bag it was delivered in.

If there is still nothing moving on your screen, check that you have switched on the computer. Now check that the mouse is plugged into the computer.

Now check that you are running an operating system that uses a mouse rather than a command line.

If there's still nothing moving on screen when you move the mouse, lift the mouse off the mouse pad and check that some joker hasn't pinched your mouseball to play marbles with. If there's no ball there - DON'T PANIC. It's just possible you have an OPTICAL mouse.

Look at your mousepad. If it has a mirror-like finish and a fine grid of lines on it, relax. You have an optical mouse and no need for any balls at all. If it has a picture of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on it - PANIC, because (a) you are obviously a geek, (b) you have lost a vital part of your computer and (c) embarrassingly it's not even a very technical part, so it's going to be doubly embarrassing buying a new one from the shop.

If the ball is there and there's STILL nothing moving on the screen, there are two possible options:

(1) gently rotate the piece of plastic retaining the ball in the direction indicated, remove the ball carefully, and clean the interior of the mouse with a cotton bud soaked in solvent. Gently replace the ball after giving it a quick polish.

OR

(2) Smash the mouse down repeatedly on the mouse mat until either something moves on the damn screen or the mouse flys into several separate bits. (this latter method is favoured by most engineers, because it means they get a new mouse, and they LIKE NEW TOYS).

Other things worth pointing out about mouses/mice.

- They are not a power switch you operate with your feet.
- They have not got a microphone built in.
- You can't catch a computer virus by touching one.
- It is forty seven times easier to look busy while doing NOTHING if you have a computer mouse in your hand.

H.

Nice one Hoovooloo

Yep.

You could also include a brief reference to other pointing devices, like a trackball and a touchpad. (did you mention the scroll-wheel on some mouses and the mysterious third-button?)

Further uses:

Broken computer mouses (I have a collection of them) can be used to tie things like the (pre-blue-tooth) cable salad. The mouse balls (no pun intended) are nice toys for children.

Further topic:

The mysterious black sludge on the sliding part of the mouse that appears after three years of intensive usage. It eventually reduces the smoothness of a mouse slide and annoys the hell out of users until they clean it up (with the fingernails or other spatula-like stuff). Eventually the inner parts of the mouse get clogged by the
slag and must be cleaned too (WD-40?), otherwise the mouse moves bumpy.

Well... There's alot to do.

H

Yes, all the above could be added, some of it should be added.

That said, what's wrong with short articles? Articles longer than the guide recommendations seem to get in OK.

Gif (hoping no-one has been counting the words in his articles too closely)

No problem with that. It seemed to be more OK in the beginnings of h2g2. Somehow modern entries got long and stiff (erm.. no pun intended)

H

PS: In this particular case here the entry is still a little too shallow.

To move the mouse pointer on the screen, place it on the mouse pad, and place your hand over the mouse such that it is caressing it, and then push the mouse around.

Do not pick the mouse off the pad, point it at the screen, and wave it about in mid-air. You will find that the mouse pointer will not go where you wish it to, let alone move at all.

I think it wouldn't be a bad idea at all to include the comments of Hoovooloo and WittyDitty.. thats good stuff and pilfering in per review is fair game... that said I wouldn't mind a bit about cleaning them at least since I had planned to write an entry just about that, but this way I won't have to

Also if you're talking about alternative pointing devices a mention of pressure sensitive digitizer pads would be nice... I love my wacom tablet..... for photoshop nothing else comes close

H.A.

p.s. I've also just remembered that they have cordless mice, as I'm using one now...the only problem is the d*** things need batteries

I have added a disclamer to my entry. Now it explains that such things as the abouv mentioned are not explained in it. I was also thinking of changing the entry name.

Hiya!

Let us know how you're getting on

Stay ,
WD

There's a few things you haven't mentioned.

1. You have to position the mouse so that the "tail" is coming out of the back of the mouse, otherwise, the cursor's motion will not match that of your hand.

2. When your mouse reaches the end of the mousepad/table, you can lift it. I had to explain this one to my father.

You don't need to put the Entry number in the Entry when you are talking about it. You should remove the reference to the User number, as Edited Entries are supposed to stand on their own.