h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well I went to the opticians today. I fancied having green eyes so I wanted to order some coloured lenses.

The Danish optician spoke very good English, and was filling in my personal details, including my phone number. I said "blah blah blah, 180"

(I didnt really say blah blah, but you dont think I'm giving you my real number do you?)

She sat back in her chair, and said "you're from....you're from..."

Me: "If you get it I'll be dead impressed cos people usually don't!"

Her: hesitating "I don't know whether to say Ireland or Scotland"

Me: "That's very good! I'm from Norn Iron which is close to Scotland, and the accents are similar! What gave it away?"

Her: "The way you said the number 8"


So I thought about this for awhile.

Later that same day, I went to the gym.
Gorgeous George was there. (Contact lens/ cup of tea man, to those of you familiar with my laughable excuse for a lovelife).
I tried to hide from him, feeling distinctly chubby at the mo, but walked straight into him on the way out.

So I said "Say 8"

(I should perhaps point out that GG is Scottish)

"Huh?" he said

"Say the word eight" I repeated

"Sorry?" sez he.

"The number - 8. Someone thought I was Scottish today from the way I said 8"

"Ah" he nodded "Well since it took me 3 goes to get what you were saying, obviously not very Scottish!"

eee-it. ay-it. Hard to describe in words, 'cept it's got 2 syllabubs.

it's 'ate' for me.

My grandad has a non-iron way of saying mouth that comes out like this: (it's really difficult to spell it) "ma'ooth"
Newspaper comes out as "noosepap'ear"

Bloody foreigners, what what.

Liam.

Not much help there since I pronounce 8 and ate the same way

Do you say all words with an ate as ee-it

Do you hee-it something?
Do you go out with your mee-its?

*Cant talk about accents, cos eee's frum ze wes'cun'ray*

You know that sounds rather Geordy, but then as my father once said, a Geordy is just a scotish man with his head kicked in.

ayt, sounds about right.

Did you get the lenses? never seen anyone in real life with them, but who knows they may have been too good.

-- DoctorMO --

I was thinking about getting bright clue contact lenses.


Just to be striking.

Then I realised that I've often had (good) comments about my eyes so decided to leave well alone...

Yes, nothing wrong with eyes, (unless you blinded by some horible fate), it's just to see if people will notice you realy.

-- DoctorMO --

Oh, I do sort of need contacts or glasses anyway, mind

Howsaboutya Luckystar - Dead on

The other thing about Norn Irln is how fast the people speak, that is just as big a problem as the dialect itself IMHO.

Hence why you don't see much Amateur Dramatics in Northern Ireland.

B

*whispers to B* It's because they're busy shooting each other

*awaits moderation*

Liam.

I thought it was Irish confety instead of guns?

-- DoctorMO --

Loosehead Fan-tar-stic accent ye've got there, ye boy ye.

B- we do so have amdram in Norn Irn, so we do! My best friends parents are stars in this field.

Liam - you cheeky monkey!

Dr Mo - I'll get the lenses next week.

hmm, what colour again?

-- DoctorMO --

Green.

Got them yesterday, in time for the disco party I'd won tickets too.

So with greenified eyes, and re-gingergerised hair, and my Tshirt that says "You're a naughty boy - go to my room" I headed off.

Had a fab time, met some lovely people (no phone numbers though), managed to switch to water after midnight so not too hungover this morning....

heh, I like the T Shirt,

So looking lovly and you didn't pick anyone up? a disc party as well.

-- DoctorMO --

yeah, rub it in, why dont ya