h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am on medication for my nerve thingy in my shoulders. It is supposed to help, but all it does is make me lathargic. It makes it hard to sleep, so i am awake and exausted all the time. Missed work today. Barely able to sit up right now. Going back for a lie down.

You should try sleeping like a flamingo.

*stands up, tuckes one leg under, promptly falls over hitting head on the way down and passing out cold*

Hooray!! It worked!!

*places a blanket over the fully unconcious beetle and tiptoes out*

*bleeds a bit*

*notes ingenious*

*adds to revised list of cunning planners*

*expires*

*wipes swaet from forehead*

*tiptoes back in*

*sets down cookies and milk tenderly next to beetle's gently slumbering corpse*

*pats it on the head*

*tiptoes back out*

*looks at expired milk and cold beetle*

...er, exp... m... cold m... th... *goes off to have a good existential think about the importance of word order*

Anyone have a blanket?

*tiptoes in with a blanket*

*covers beetle's stiff and slowly decomposing corpse with blanket*

*kisses clammy forhead tenderly*

*tiptoes back out*

corpse kisser. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you.

Oh I take it as a complement.

Well then. You are the number one, most talented and lovely corpse kisser i know.

*cursties and kisses again*

So, how's the old shoulder?

rotting as we speak.

Well, at least it's pro-active. I mean, think about it. Most people have shoulders that just sit there. Mine for instance. Look. Poke at it. See? Not a thing.

Right! Not a SINGLE maggot, for instance, lives in EITHER of my shoulders.

Lucky.