h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Put your favourite Monty-moment here ?

O.K.dokie, my favourite :

"ONE???"

Oh, it's from "Live at the Hollywood Bowl" and it has something to do with "The Last Supper".

TM.

"It works, mate! The fat one balances the two skinny ones..."

"Bolton - the palindrome of Ipswich."

The pet-shop owner's brother must have been lying...

"Judean People's Front suicide squad."

"You silly sods..."

This article is going to end up *huge*

At the risk of being moderated(which would be a crying shame in this case of course! Are you listening moderators?) here is the short speech that John C. gave at the funeral of Graham C.

Now THIS is the way they should do MY farewell-speech

TM.

It was the eve of the twentieth anniversary of the first Monty Python's Flying Circus broadcast, which prompted Terry Jones to call it "The worst case of party-pooping I have ever come across." A small funeral service was held for the family a few days later, the Rolling Stones sent flowers, and the other Pythons were responsible for a floral arrangement in the shape of a huge foot.

John Cleese and Michael Palin addressed the crowd in a manner that Graham certainly would have loved. Cleese's opening comments were as follows:

"Graham Chapman, co-author of the "parrot Sketch", is no more. He has ceased to be, bereft of life, he rests in peace, he has kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the Great Head of Light Entertainmant in the sky, and I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, such capability and kindness, of such unusual intelligence should now be so suddenly spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.

Well, I feel that I should say: "Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading b*****d! I hope he fries." And the reason I think I should say this is, he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste. I could hear him whispering in my ear last night as I was writing this: "Alright, Cleese, you're very proud of beeing the first person ever to say `s**t´ on television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to be the first person ever at a British memorial service to say `F**K´!!!

You see, the trouble is, I can't. If he were here with me now I would probably have the courage, because he always emboldened me. But the truth is, I lack his balls, his splendid defiance. And so I'll have to content myself instead with saying 'Betty Mardsen...'

But Bolder and less inhibited spirits than me follow today. Jones and Idle, Gilliam and Palin. Heaven knows what the next hour will bring in Graham's name. Trousers Dropping, blasphemers on pogo sticks, spectactular displays of high-speed farting, synchronised incest. One of the four is planning to stuff a dead ocelot and a 1922 Remington typewriter up his own ass to the sound of the second movement of Elgar's cello concerto. And that's in the first half.

Because you see, Gray would have wanted it this way. Really. Anything for him but mindless good taste. And that's what I'll always remember about him---apart, of course, from his Olympian extravagance. He was the prince of bad taste. He loved to shock. In fact, Gray, more than anyone I knew, emodied and symbolised all that was most offensive and juvenile in Monty Python. And his delight in shocking people led him on to greater and greater feats. I like to think of him as the pioneering beacon that beat the path along which fainter spirits could follow.

Some memories. I remember writing the undertaker speech with him, and him suggesting the punch line, 'All right, we'll eat her, but if you feel bad about it afterwards, we'll dig a grave and you can throw up into it.' I remember discovering in 1969, when we wrote every day at the flat where Connie Booth and I lived, that he'd recently discovered the game of printing four-letter words on neat little squares of paper, and then quietly placing them at strategic points around our flat, forcing Connie and me into frantic last minute paper chases whenever we were expecting important guests.

I remember him at BBC parties crawling around on all fours, rubbing himself affectionately against the legs of gray-suited executives, and delicately nibbling the more appetising female calves. Mrs. Eric Morecambe remembers that too.

I remember his being invited to speak at the Oxford union, and entering the chamber dressed as a carrot---a full length orange tapering costume with a large, bright green sprig as a hat----and then, when his turn came to speak, refusing to do so. He just stood there, literally speechless, for twenty minutes, smiling beatifically. The only time in world history that a totally silent man has succeeded in inciting a riot.

I remember Graham receiving a Sun newspaper TV award from Reggie Maudling. Who else! And taking the trophy falling to the ground and crawling all the way back to his table, screaming loudly, as loudly as he could. And if you remember Gray, that was very loud indeed.

It is magnificent, isn't it? You see, the thing about shock... is not that it upsets some people, I think; I think that it gives others a momentary joy of liberation, as we realised in that instant that the social rules that constrict our lives so terribly are not actually very important.

Well, Gray can't do that for us anymore. He's gone. He is an ex-Chapman. All we have of him now is our memories. But it will be some time before they fade."

Sorry, what I wanted to say was : "This has to be the best piece of Monty Python" if perhaps not THE funniest. It was in extreme bad taste and hey! That's what MP was often about...

TM.

Fantastic idea! That *has* to go into the article (although I'm not putting the whole thing in!) I'll do it when I have a bit more time.

I understand that external URL's are allowed for testing-purposes so here is the link :

http://www.fortunecity.com/bennyhills/chapman/777/clegra.html

If all else fails email me and I will send it to you that way.

TM.

Well, this could take a while.

Off the top of my head:

(1) The dirty Hungarian phrasebook ("Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy? I am no longer infected.")

(2) Children's stories ("Discipline? Naked? .....With a MELON?")

(3) The "Live At Drury Lane" version of ye olde Parrot Sketch ("Any statements to the effect that this parrot is still a going concern are from now on inoperative!")

(4) The Bruces sketch ("It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your majesty.")

(5) Mrs Thing & Mrs Entity ("Been shopping?" "Noooooo! I've been shopping! Been shopping for six hours!" "What have you bought?" "Nothing! Nothing at all, complete waste of time." "Ooh, it'll be worse when we join the Common Market." and so on)

And a special honorary mention for the cover version of the Four Yorkshiremen sketch from the Amnesty International "We Know Where You Live" show, performed by Harry Enfield, Alan Rickman, Vic Reeves and Eddie Izzard ("Our dad would kill us and dance on our graves, singing Yes Sir I Can Boogie.")

Must stop! Must stop!

*sings* "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me"...

TM.

Oh BTW : Would there also be a "Best songs of Monty Python" thread somewhere ?

(Hums "How sweet to be an idiot"...)

TM.

...And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour, and so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath, by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little pots. Here endeth the lesson.
(from The Meaning of Life, Part II: Growth and Learning)
zaphod

Please include reference to the Architects sketch (which is really a dig against freemasonary). That is, two architects have submitted designs for a simple block of flats.. or at least that's what they were asked to do. At the interview, the first architect's (John Cleese) submits a design which ostensibly looks like a block of flats but is actually an abattoir (to be used for cutting down the number of tourists). On turning down his project ('nice though it was'), Cleese flies into a blind rage, with a tirade of abuse and vitriolic attack on the two interviewers. . . . . (Cleese purses lips in own inimitable way before launching into. . . . . .
"That's the sort of pig-headed ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage, You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. . . YOU EXCREMENT !!! (maintaining loudness) YOU WHINNING HYPOCRITICAL TOADIES WITH YOUR BLEEDING COLOUR TV SETS AND YOUR TONY JACKLIN GOLF CLUBS AND YOUR F***ING MASONIC HANDSHAKES. WELL I WOULDN'T BECOME A FREEMASON IF YOU GOT DOWN ON YOUR LOUSY, STINKING KNEES AND BEGGED ME.
The really funny part is later when, realising he might have blown his chances of losing the contract and (more importantly) becoming a freemason, he apologies for having been 'a bit on edge'.
Include, please
Zaphod

OK... this is getting huge! (My own fault I suppose ) Some great suggestions there - I will add them to the article as soon as I have a moment.

Thanks everyone!

Danny B.

Right... I think this article is about the right length now, so I'm going to stop adding things to it (more to the point, I have better things to do and I can see this thread running for a long time )

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions. I hope that many more will be posted here so that you can all tell me what I've missed!



Danny B.

Ooh looky. I've been credited. And you looked up the original of the quotation I mangled.

Glad you approve

It looks and reads like a great piece! I also feel dead chuffed that you've credited me. I really do value having a MPFC entry on my home page, looks smart, even if my contribution was miniscule. Will it be a separate entry or part of Uni project?
Best Wishes
Zaphod