h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You walk through a door labeled FIGHTER BAY NO DOGS ALLOWED. There is a dog-DNA destabilizer screen over the door, so if ur a dog don't try. There are five fighters, one very souped-up personal yacht, and ten empty bays inside.

*Venom and notpanicking walk in. Venom leads notpanicking to the first fighter in the row and motions her in. He then walks to the yacht, evidently an extremely powerful heavy fighter called the Hitchhiker's Dream II.*

[over radio] Follow me out of the hanger

*the HD2 departs from the hanger. Outside are several targets, stationary and moving*

~monitors the situation from his office~

[transmission to Venom]Bravo command to HD2, a ship is scedualed to arrive soon, make sure your trainee doesn't get carried away...over.

[on control frequency] Roger that, I'll get the targets moved. *pushes a button that causes all of the targets to move to the other side of the station, where the ship can't hit his trainee* [on ship-ship radio] Ok, follow the targets. We've got our shipment of cheap toys and spacesuits coming in at the hanger.

Now if she would show up...

*some station crew come up with paint and change NO DOGS ALLOWED to NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNELL*

*comes in with a Finite Probability System and removes the last L*

oops...

*takes out a fighter for a spin, just to keep his skills sharp*

*considers doing the same, but then looks at his watch and realises that he needs to get off the net soon*

*tosses him a Wirespeed DSL modem* Just a little hint.

*throws the modem at his parents*

*hacks his way into the Verizon Online system and orders a DSL installation for Axe without billing a DSL system monthly*

Tut, tut.

Oh, come off your high horse! You've done a lot worse to this station alone.

Me? What? Never!

*calls up a holo of Axe's portable "drink mixer"*

But did I leave it running? No. I've never actually DONE anything.

Whereas you've turned off most of the station's systems at some time or other.

*Eva calls up a recording of a command made to wait 24 hours and then engage protocol Axe-7, destroying the system*
And if I recall, it's my station...

*Eva calls up a recording of a command made to wait 24 hours and then engage protocol Axe-7, destroying the system*
And if I recall, it's my station...

*doesn't like eva*

*thinks*

But did I actually leave it running? No. Anyway, I only did it because you nearly killed me.

*plays back a recording of Venom disabeling most of the subsystems, therefore switching off his Linux PC (and giving him withdrawel symptoms), therefore making him have to run fsck when it restarted*

I'll get H2G2 Health and Safety in here if you carry on doing things like that .

>>you nearly killed me

When? I left the oxygen pumps on, and the nutrient food packs in your office's emergency cupboard can last 7 years (the time from the nearest settled world to here at .99c) so how you could have died I don't know. Unless you're afraid of the dark...