h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I didn't have a GNU-compatible OS for about 24 hours. That's deadly for someone in my occupation .

your occupation? I thought you were a student.

That's my RL "occupation", and RL is stupid (as you quite rightly pointed out).

Rl... Let us never mention that place again. *pulls up a lounge chair out of the HD2*

*gets another*

So, what's going on here that I don't know about?

Cause I know something is...

LS, access primary log files for yesterday.

[LS] Access denied. L1 Security authentication required. Locked by special demand from CV.

And the system backup logs?

[LS] Access denie...

I get the idea.

Well, I hired somebody... Detective Armani is our new store clerk.

I noticed. Has he been briefed in ripping off your customers yet?

We don't rip off our customers. Everybody is charged a fair price based on the cost of shipping, a 125% assumed markup, and the obvious desperation factor of being 7 light years away from the nearest inhabited world...

*cough* Fred's Stealth Gen *cough*

desperation factor can be large on ship parts, of course... If you need a ship, we've got one. If you need a stealth gen, we've got one. The beauty of those without ship parts or ships is that they can't leave.

Or check the prices of goods at other stations.

exactly!

*wonders whether he should call over the President of ArmsTech*

*starts arming the anti-competition missles and the anti-antitrust law weaponry*

Can I borrow a few of those?

(Why? You don't use Microsoft...) *tosses him a Competitionkiller 7500 Mk. II launcher and a few missles, and one legal cannon*

(I still don't like the DoJ )

*goes off to find whoever presided over the MS trial*

[EVA] Incoming maintaince pod. Activating pod docking procedures.

*one of the landing bays reconfigures to allow pod coupling*

*soon, Axe's pod comes into view and lands in the bay*

*Axe gets out*

I'm back. If you want me, crawl around the maintaince hatches for a while.

*enters one of the maintainces hatches on foot and crawls into the nearest personnel tube (as opposed to a pud tube). After a while, he reaches the EVA subsystems area and stops inside the hatch*

*He opens up his MIDI keyboard and starts playing a tune. But not just any old tune. Fans of Final Fantasy will recognise it as Aerith's Theme from FF7*

We should really have a maintaince system thread...

*somewhere in the maint. system*

[LS] Incoming transmission from Commander Harper.

Route it through to my PDA.

[Harper] Hey Axe, this is Harper. Did you get that new version of LS working? I ran a few code sanity checks the other day and I've got the results here. Do you want me to patch them through?

[Axe] Yeah, OK. Thanks Harper. Tell me, how's 'Romi these days?

[Harper] She's fine. I've been optimizing her code for the last few days - when I rebooted her, she decided that she didn't want a 'makover', as she putted and tried to block them.

[Axe] They really can be stubborn sometimes... Anyway, I'll take a look at those changes. See you around.

[Harper] Will do. Harper out.

[Axe] LS, patch the file attachment through to my PDA and open it up please.

*takes a fighter out on the obstacle course* Your thread now exists...