h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's how I feel right now- scared over nothing, or at least nothing to everyone else in the world.

I have been attracted to a man since I got to State College. He's sweet, funny, holds doors open for me, is incredibly intelligent- and doesn't seem to be able to take subtle hints. I've been dropping hints that I've been into him for a while now, and he's -kindof- reciprocated, but hasn't given me anything more to go on. I've been working myself up to telling him flat out, and I was almost ready.

And today, the bottom dropped out.

I work in the mail room in the graduate dorm where he lives. This means I sort through all the mail when it comes in in the morning. He got a postcard that was blatantly romantic.

I tried not to look, I really did... but it's so hard when you have to put it in his mailbox, and know it's for him. It felt like being punched in the stomach. I was in shock for the rest of the day, and I'm so scared right now of losing him because I'm too chicken to act!

I had coffee with him today, and I could barely keep myself under control. I know it's stupid, but this is the first man I've ever really felt this way about, and I want to be romantic with him, but I'm too scared of ruining our friendship and never seeing him again to go after it.

Why does the universe work like this? Why do I have to work twice as hard for everything I want, and never get half of it? I wish whatever god or demon in charge of my life would take a vacation, so I could be with someone that makes me happy, even if just for one day!

Compared to what's going on in the world right now, this really /is/ nothing. No one's dying, no one's living in mortal fear, no one's starving, and all parties are free to practice their own religion and speak their minds.

But, I'm still scared.

I know how you feel...However I have no advice for you because I've never really been ablr to figure out what to do in situations like that...or with women in general

See this is when I'm thankful for the people who were around me. Sure I never got laid, but the day my sis comes to me with relationship problems I can dish out advice that'd make Opera be impressed.

Now you have to see the positivies. The first is that you found out this way and not by say, meeting the other lady in person which would have been really bad by the sounds of it because you seem more then a little upset by the whole thing and the last thing you'd want is bursting into tears in front of him.

The second is that you havent gone to him yet with your feelings. This is good because it means your thinking with your head, and not necessarily afraid. This means you can ask people what they think, and even use cunning friends to discover his feelings.

And lastly, you need to sort out how you feel. Now its all well and good approaching him, and telling him how you feel and that you still want to be friends, but theres the problem that you might not be able to go on like that. You want to remain friends yes but that isnt always enough and it could do damage to the friendship in the long run.

I dont know you scan and I'm not going to pretend to, but these are all the things you need to consider before deciding where to go from here.

You've also got to think about what happens if he does say that he likes you. That can be an even more painful situation. If he admits his feelings, then he might decide that he's being unfaithful (I've had that happen, it was a very odd time in my life. Actually it was this time last year... oooo spooky).

What I'd say is ease off, and relax. Its the hardest thing to do, and the only piece of advice we all dish out but never take outselves because its the hardest. The longer you hold off, the easier any out come will be for everyone.

If he has feelings, he will eventually feel compelled by manly urges to come to you and tell you how he feels, at which point you'll feel more relaxed about the whole thing for not charging in.

Trust me, the charging in thing, its not good. If your going to do it like that write it all down, throw it in the bin and try again. You'll have what you need on paper in its simplest and most coherant form. Ask him to write back rather then speak back - thats an easier way of doing it and will most likely save the friendship in the long run. That worked for me and Tink, and I still have the letter to this day which I quite happily treasure - so will he.


At the end of the day, things happen for a reason. The last time I saw my sister for longer then an hour was three years ago, but I dont consider it a problem. Tink smashed into my life and smashed back out just as quickly as Plum did, who then disappeared without a trace. They all hurt, and I even went mental at the start of this year with it all, but I still have the firm belief that if they hadnt happened I wouldnt be me now, and what ever the out come of your actions (or possibly his if he gets the hint) they'll shape you for the better and given awhile to become a little saged by the experience you'll see the positives.

Dont be scared either - goblins, now there scarey. They live in cereal you know, and heres you worrying about relationships. You should be worrying about those goblins in the morning when you go to get some cereal and there they are, sat in your bowl, pointing and laughing. Pfft they'll never catch me unawares again no sir.

The only thing to do is knock back a large glass of dutch courage and come right out with it, I did it with My other half and we've been together for nearly 6 years

Sorry about the massive rant- I had a good cry afterward, and I feel better now. It still sucks, though.

TB- sorry to hear you're in the same boat I am... or on a similar life preserver anyway. I hope things clear up for both of us soon.

Psy- not exactly what I needed to hear right there, but thanks for the sentiment, anyway. The goblins are a problem, but at least they're not roaches. If it's all the same to you, though, I don't think I'll take your advice. I've done what you prescribe in the past, and it hasn't worked all that terribly well.

David-

Reef- I'm thinking Jim Beam on the rocks. I can usually do that pretty well.

A good cry can do wonders too

Scan, I'm always in that situation...actually that's not entirely true, but mostly I'm in that situation.

Scan go for it! grab him and go for it! Only one chance at this place, so go for it! If it goes bad theres allways more "fish in the sea" and he's not right for you, but if you don't ask you won't know!

and oooOOooOOooh good luck tinker!

Ooooooooooo you know hes going to be annoyed when he sees that, you've compared him to me! Thats a stonning in some countries you know

Smeghead, what an Ego EH! Asmodai you are such a one

Hey I /was/ out of it!

At least I feel a little less like crawling under a rock for a few days now.

Ooo news?

Hey I was only sayin jack, s'all...

I know I was just having a bit of fun

I've decided it's not worth it. If I never see him again, I'll be happy after a few months to get over the initial emotional burn. If he does call (which I think is rather unlikely), I'll deal with it. I've had enough failed relationships to know that men are only worth getting upset over once.

No offense to all the men in here. It's just that in RL, you all don't have that great of a track record with me.

Yeah and women are just as bad

'The One' is always worth waiting for, even if it takes a few years and several mistakes to get him it's worth it, trust me