h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've been wondering what the term is for the oddity in my eyes- They aren't quite connected, one is long-sighted, the other is short-sighted, they look in different directions, and I have no depth perception. So I did some research


Antimetropia is one eye being long-sighted (hyperopia) and one being short-sighted (myopia)

Strabismus is the eyes looking in different directions, and also covers the depth perception thing:

"It typically involves a lack of coordination between the extraocular muscles that prevents bringing the gaze of each eye to the same point in space and preventing proper binocular vision, which may adversely affect depth perception. Strabismus can be either a disorder of the brain coordinating the eyes or a disorder of one or more muscles, as in any process that causes a dysfunction of the usual direction and power of the muscle or muscles."

There doesn't seem to be a word to describe someone with the symptoms of both

I have therefore diagnosed myself with antimetropic strabismus. Or possibly strabismusic antimetropia. Nice to know there's a term for it anyway. I've just spent 27 years thinking of it as having two lazy eyes.

The physical manifestation of this condition is demonstrated if you look at this picture of me, and observe the way that my left eye looks straight ahead but the right eye is off to the side, I can switch my focus so it also occurs the other way round:

http://photos-g.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-snc1/v318/35/72/728285311/n728285311_1233126_8033.jpg

And what's the medical term for having a moustache that makes you look like a homosexual?

B

That would be mercurial fredditis

And was some sort of bet involved, or...?

B

Not so much a bet as a mutual agreement concerning Daley Thompson

So when will you be appearing on Superstars?

B

Right after his appearance in an advert for underarm deodourant.