h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1) Birmingham New Street station gets very busy just after 6.00 when the cricket's at Edgbaston

2) Pizza Hut in Worcester has free ice cream

3) Worcestershire cricketers Gareth Batty and Andrew Hall are both genuinely nice, affable chaps.

4) Gil scott-Heron's "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" is a cracking album.

5) Nathan Dumelow, the Derbyshire cricketer, is shit.

6) The rest of the Derbyshire team aren't much better

7) You can get a really nice wallet from BHS for eight quid

8) Coffee Republic don't do Raspberry iced tea

9) Tobias Linderoth has left Everton

10) F***ing Busted have knocked the Streets off Number 1.

11) I can only think of ten things I've learned this weekend.

Have you been lazing around in New Road cricket ground recently then?

and the responses to what you've learned

1)No s**t
2)Isn't that a nationwide promotion?
3)How d'you know?
4)Fair enough
5)See number 1
6)See number 1
7)Must remember that
8)Ok
9)Copenhagen, i believe
10)B***ards!!

I was indeed getting very tanned at new Road today, and I know that batty and Hall are affable chaps, as they were taking it in turns to field on our boundary, and spent most of the time chatting to spectators, and infuriating the stewards by signing stuff for children who climbed over the fence to get to them.

Oh,a nd I forgot to mention that I inadvertantly hit the Worcestershire bowler Nadeem malik in the shoulder with my shoulder when he was wandering vaguely around the Basil D'Oliveira stand, and so was i.

I'm assuming Nadeem Malik wasn't in the Worcestershire XI

No, he was, but he was number 11 in the batting order and Smith and Leatherdale were still in.

Ok, fair enough

He said he'd lost one of his batting gloves and he was off to his car to try and find it. Someone sitting nearby questioned whether it would make much difference.

how long did he bat for in the end?

He didn't. We only lost seven wickets. Ended with Hall and Kabir hitting 22 off the last over- and only five of them were Hall. Malik didn't bat, and neither did Rhodes. We won by 111 runs.

Good days cricket then?

Aye. And there's a good bar in the new Basil D'Oliveira stand, which charges over four quid for a double Southern Comfort, Lime and lemonade.

Can't be that good if it charges over £4 for a Southern Comfort, Lime and Lemonade

double southern comfort, get it right.

My Dad was buying, so i didn't care.

oh, two things I missed off my list:

Worcestershire keeper Steve Rhodes is exactly the same weight as me, but 11 inches shorter.

BBC Radio Derby's Cricket reporter drives a 2002 Renault 106.

I'm 2lbs lighter than you and about a foot shorter.

So it goes.

Things I learned this weekend:
1. I know absolutely nothing about cricket.
2. I'm strangely glad that I know absolutely nothing about cricket.
3. I'm heavier than 90% of the hootooers.
4. I'm strangely unconcerned that I'm heavier than 90% of the hootooers.
5. Egon is often entertainment on legs.

1) Birmingham New Street station gets very busy just after 6.00 when the cricket's at Edgbaston

Birmingham New Street is _always_ busy. Even at 2am

2) Pizza Hut in Worcester has free ice cream

So does every Pizza Hut in the country, muppet.

3) Worcestershire cricketers Gareth Batty and Andrew Hall are both genuinely nice, affable chaps.

That's because they don't get paid footballers' wages

4) Gil scott-Heron's "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" is a cracking album.

I doubt it very much

5) Nathan Dumelow, the Derbyshire cricketer, is shit.

All of Derbyshire are shit. They gained something of a reputation for it last year.

6) The rest of the Derbyshire team aren't much better

See. Told you.

7) You can get a really nice wallet from BHS for eight quid

Only if you're tight and don't mind the nasty smell of fake leather.

8) Coffee Republic don't do Raspberry iced tea

Poofter.

9) Tobias Linderoth has left Everton

And I'm sure you're gutted.

10) F***ing Busted have knocked the Streets off Number 1.

And I've told you before to stop f**king Busted.

11) I can only think of ten things I've learned this weekend.

12) Egon isn't very witty when making lists.

B

4) is true. *And* his Dad played a couple of games for Celtic. First black player in Scotland, or something. He was known as the Black Arrow, I think.

But I'm very vague at this time of the morning.

To be fair cl, you are built like a brick s**t house...and Egon is a skinny rake, and I'm a girl...