h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I cannot wait until we jet off to sunny Albufeira - but I can't find my passport. I'll have to stay at home

Where is that?

Portugal.

It's lovely there.

Either find your passport, or get a new application in the post *tomorrow*. They should turn it around within 14 days, particularly if you give them a *date needed by*. There's also a thing you can do at the Post Office, where they certify all the details for you and your passport is fast-tracked. You have to pay extra for it, though.

Good luck, and enjoy!

RF

If you can't find it in time, you can borrow mine. If you want to.
Not that I'm implying that you look anything like me or that you'd pass passport control with it, but you know....

Bet it is too hot for me! I don't like the hot weather - it melts my frozen heart!

Is there a beach? Will you go topless?!

Have you not seen the beer advert, Mort?

"It's practically the law!"

Albufeira in September should be warm, but not stiflingly hot.

RF

Yes I have!

Does that mean EV will be going topless too? (I assume he is going with you?)

If you're utterly fxcked, you can always go to Peterborough and get one in a day. Costs money, and all the paperwork has to be just right, but it's doable. I speak from experience, after a 'oh bugger my passprt runs out mid-trip' situation.

I thought there was a passport office in Glasgow?

Err, maybe there is. I've never had any cause to find out; I just named the nearest one to me.

It's definitely in the house somewhere, I just haven't got a clue where.

EV can help me tidy up later to help me find it - he's been promising to tidy the bedroom for too long

You don't need a passport, do what that bloke on the advert does. Find a big crate at the airport, sit in it and when the officials ask you where you're from, say "Portugal"

You might have to put some fake tan on first though for authenticity.

There's a tanning shop round the corner from work

There is one in Glasgow, but I hear Peterborough is nice at this time of year.

Found it! It was in a box of stuff that I'd tidied up about six months ago. A perfect example of the perils of tidying up if ever there was one.

I hope you learned your lesson!


Have a luvverly trip now!

Milla

I'm sure we will!