h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Since I've become pregnant I've had some really lucid dreams, but the one I had last night really seems to have affected me

I dreamed that I was at a family do, held at someone else's house. I needed some air so I went out to the back garden to get some fresh air and watch the little 'uns playing. Nothing too weird in that - until I notice a younger version of myself playing on her/my own....!

As I realise who I'm looking at a bigger girl (who I don't recognise at all) starts bullying her/me, so I pick up a toy and chuck it at the girl, hoping to scare her away. Unfortunately the toy hits my younger self, giving her/me an enormous crack on the noggin. I/she starts screaming and crying in pain and I rush over, hugging me/her, trying to be soothing but being absolutely horrified inside at what I've just done

When I woke up I was so upset I thought I was going to cry! I'd normally put this down to just another queer dream but to wake up so affected by it I think there may be more to this one...

Dear... it's hard to know, isn't it, what it's all about...

Think it over, you are the only one who may have a clue.

That sounds like a wonderful dream... So much imagery... So laden with connotations. A good psychiatrist could retire on a dream like that.

Zis is quite obviously a cry from your inner psycheeeeee over penis envy....

Penis envy?

2legs inner psychiatrist is a Freudian.

I used to have a psycharitist.... he comitted suicide after I visited him for the first time

You know what, that's so bizarre I actually believe that

In your dream is your baby the little version of you? You may be worrying about being his/her mum: about how you can protect him or her or even if you fear will you damage him/her. I think it's great that you should be taking parenthood so seriously but remember being a parent is also great fun! Don't worry too much!

Babies are delicate but the are often way more robust than we give them credit for. Did the bullying child in the dream look like EV? Did he wake up with a bump on the head from the toy you threw?

Remember it was only a dream!

You'll both be great parents.

The strange thing is, I'm not scared at all about becoming a parent - I can't wait! The bully was some girl I don't recognise so maybe it is some sort of subconscious fear of the unknown or something. It just struck me as a weird dream because despite all the things this dream suggests I feel exactly the opposite

As we're on dreams I had a dream last night that Arnold Schwarzenegger helped me set upmy own business.

They actually wanted* me to visit a psycharietist/type person one time years back... I told them they were mad and I didn't need to see no shrink ... strangely... they believed me all my dreams are getting incredibably predictable of late... highly perverted but very predictable content wise none the less

Do you eat cheese late at night? I find eating cheese makes me dream vividly and sometimes frighteningly.

I don't eat much cheese these days because the sort I like isn't allowed when you're pregnant

I rarely remember a dream these days unless it's so horrendously ghastly it wakes me up. I reckon I'm missing out on the memories of a hell of a lot of fantastic fantasised orgies.

Cheese... do you like unpasteurised ones or is it just soft cheeses in general that you aren't allowed?

Unpasteurised cheese is a nono, but I've been eating cream cheese which I think is okay. It was such a bummer when we were in France

That's just torturing yourself! Don't do it! The Chinese don't lke cheese - you could have gone to China.

I heard that Orientals think that Westerners stink of milk because of all the dairy products we eat. I also heard that apparently we think they all stink of fish but I've worked with a couple of Chinese people and they smelled fine - mind you, I'm not in the habit of going up to someone and having a good sniff...

How DID you get to know EV then.
*scratches vest to release odour of EV, (drunk and disorderly flavour).