h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For me that time came when the wind blew the blind and an ornament fell of the window sill. My response was not the normal one of 'oh no' , my heart sank and my stomach churned at the trouble this would cause for you if it had broken.

It hadn't but I nearly smashed it then. How on earth did we get to this, when we have this constant stress off making sure everything is just so, and we accept so much that is not right because you ask us too

You brought that house mostly because you loved the kitchen and the lovely big table in which you could imagine your children and grand children sitting around and you would be still the heart of our family.

Less and less we sit around that table because it is stressful to be in your house, we are always on edge and for a while I can't do it anymore because I just can't bear it.

I saw you fretting and flinching at the same window sill and my heart broke

I am not cutting you out of my life, but I am changing how I want you to be in it. I want to spend time with you doing things we enjoy and this we can do without your partner.

So I am not making you choose but you have to understand that I'm having to make this decision as a result of your choices.

I will be there when you *really* need me, for practical and emotional support, but I will do nothing to enable this situation.

Now I have the time from the intense situation of being the 'support worker' for both of you and am looking at things from a different perspective, I see how your reliance on me has set in and also how narrow your perspective is.

I want to be the daughter you can rely and depend on but not at this cost. I am angry that this is being taken away from me, I see you getting older and frailer and while you may still outlive me yet, time is precious.

I have to work out a way to tell you, and I am determined not to say sorry once because I have nothing to be sorry for. I am sorrowful and my eyes are leaking.

*massive and support*

I could have written this but my mother's alone. I resent the look-at-the-watch when I walk in, 5 days a week. I have stopped making excuses for my 2 days off caring, knowing full well about the 4 paid workers still going in and taking care of business. My mother is almost 95 and incapable of doing anything for herself. I do all I can but then I have my own home, cat, partner, family, friends, h2g2. I'm 60 next year, and feeling it.

Once again...

GB

Thank you GB for the massive and support,very much appreciated, right back at you to

I have this time as a breather, but I can see what is to come, that Mum will only get more vulnerable and dependent as she becomes less able, and how much harder it would be to do this so drastically if circumstances were different.

Good for you for taking those two days, I hope you are really able to carve the space in your life, for what is *your* life.

I hope you take holidays too, do you?

I read your entry last night and all the links, liked it a lot, thank you

Heavens you two, these postings are getting to the heart of the matter. I sense two daughters here, taking power, and standing up for their lives, against the odds.

Very brave to write it down, to express it. And moving.

And I've been there, ohmigod I've been there. And not long ago, either. (clutches brow). I can relate to all aspects of these postings.

So, Peanut, what are your options, what's the risk? If you talk to your Mother, will she say you can't live in her house anymore?

I hope your keeping strong Peanut,
its never easy when there are issues involving our parents
I'm always around if you need a virtual tea and cake and someone to talk to

I lost my mother at a young age, Peanut but I can feel the pain of what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Thank you CC, Anthea and Elektra for the , messages, and offer of cake

I don't think it will come to that CC with the house, my worries when running through the scenarios is more for Mum, rocking the boat is something no person wants to do in this type of relationship. That unpredictably scares me of how he will respond, but that is one of the things that is so wrong, and is an aspect of controlling behaviour.

It has come to that and I can't live with, nor subscribe to those sorts of underlying dynamics, not emotionally, mentally or ethically, the only option is to get out and do that in the cleanest and safest way possible.

Well it is said and done. It was emotionally bloody awful but as yet no backlash.

So the good things about it, I did it, I kept to the script and didn't say sorry once. While I was feeling wracked with some emotions, for the event remained collected, focused and tapped into a strange sort of calm, I don't know where that came from, perhaps determination, was just glad it was there.

Still feeling raw, sometimes quite intensely, dealing with this and everything day by day for now. This is only periodic, not overwhelming the days and nights and so far my head has been clear, so space to focus on and get pleasure from the good things in my life.

By my ordinary measures I am pretty functional and this has given me some confidence in where my abilities are at.

I have noticed that going out was on the difficult side, so am off out soon for a good stroll to pick up a med cert, then on way back drop in to crank up the leccy key.

At the weekend, going to see my sister, nephews and niece and am looking forward to that.

So, bloody awful, yes, and while I don't yet really feel that things are better I can see and sense where they are.

Thank you for you messages, the support, I have had plenty from many quarters and that has given me strength and comfort

"While I was feeling wracked with some emotions, for the event remained collected, focused and tapped into a strange sort of calm, I don't know where that came from, perhaps determination, was just glad it was there."

Some people call that inner, or angel strength. You got the help when you needed it. You can always call on it. I'm sure there's someone watching over me.

Thank you GB

I can see why people call it angel strength, it stuck me that there was what I would describe as a spiritual element to it, a serenity,
I really like that explanation

Yay! And well done luv, , and take care and have a good, relaxing weekend. Look after your raw bits. These kind of things rearrange us, I think, albeit for the better, but it's still tender for a while.

And if you see a strange angel on the road , give him/her my love. And some chocolate.

Thank you darling I like the idea of being re-arranged and am looking forward to my visiting this weekend,

I will send any I meet your love, and offer them fizzy strawberry laces and will send them your way for