h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You had my attention to the fullest until the last 5 lines. I was expecting something more gentle than what I read.

It makes a good romantic poem in the beginning but the ending shatters that wonderful illusion you were verbally painting.

yes... that was the point. was the first few stanza's not painting the image of a man (or woman) who liked nothing better then to be with nature, enjoy what was given to him.
And the last pargraph was to point out that what nature can give, we can take away. it has a subtle underlying message, which not many will notice, that says how we are destroying what we have, what we love, through folly and jest.
i know its not everyones idea of poetry, but my idea is to express yourself, and what i see in my life is not perfect, so why should the reality of a poem be?
i would be intreasted to hear more of your comments, for instance, what did you have against the last stanza? (apart from it taking away the perfectness) etc.
Lord Preston OMFC

i would of atleast expected some sort of response after you publicaly attacked my writting but obviously i am not worth your valuble time
Lord Preston OMFC

Hope you don't mind my butting in...

(I don't think Hellava will be back, anyway.)

But I liked your poem, and I agree with you about the juxtaposition thing.

To me it illustrates how we are often complacent in our security and we take health, happiness, safety, and often life, for granted. Your poem reminds us how those things can be snatched from us in an instant.

And the contrast between the gossamer beauty of the first verses and the thumping ugliness (ugly in a good way!)of the last does a great job of knocking the reader on their a*se. Which, I suspect, may have been the desired effect.

(Worked for Helluva, anyway!)

couldn't of said it any better myself. and i'm glad you understood why the final stanza was in there and also why if it were removed the poem would be pointless. pretty and sweet ofcourse, but it would have no message. As it is it subtly reminds us of our frailies and trys to get its reader to take more joy in what they have incase they lose it.
Lord Preston OMFC