h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sometime in the late 1990s I read that oxalic acid can be used to neutralize the chemicals that deplete the pone layer. I saw this as a promising topic for an April Fool joke. Why not write a pseudoscientific journal called "The Rhubarb Quarterly" and imagine sending it to people who might think it was real at first?

Well, not really. On the cover, I drew a ring of potted rhubarb plants (rhubarb contains a lot of oxalic acid) orbiting the earth? Inside, I had ads for "tiny print" editions of classics, for people with exceptionally keen vision.

I found mentions of rhubarb in classics such as "MacBeth" (Lady MacBeth used it as a purgative). I had a picture of knights on their way to the crusades in search of rhubarb.

The star of the quarterly was Ecnirp the Backward Prince, who won game after game on a holodeck that was rigged in his favor. He used a rhubarb leaf as a shield.

Ecnirp is prince spelled backward. I grew to love this character. Like Bertie Wooster, he was mediocre in reasoning power, but thoroughly likeable and able to make friends because he had a kind heart.

Let's be realistic about rhubarb for a minute, though. The leaves are toxic. The stems are edible when cooked, but if you eat them raw (as I did) you can lose your ability to taste anything for about a week.

A new story Ecnirp may appear in the Post this month. I might write more stories about him. I will keep thinking of ways to work rhubarb into his life and activities.

Mumbo, jumbo, rhubarb. rhubarb.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv4j04D2ItI



And

Rhubarb is fun to grow. The leaves can get enormous. But you don't dare eat them. Just the stalks. And they have to be cooked, which makes them kind of slimy, thus they're not the most tempting of foods.

Much as I like the flavor of rhubarb-strawberry pie, its strictly for bulimorexics.

I am realistic about rhuubarb.

I've passed a kidner stone.

That should be "kidney stone".

Kidney stones are not a joke.

I believe you.

Oxalic acid, which gives rhubarb its sour and fruity flavor, is a slow cumulative poison which stimulates and accelerates formation of cement-like calcareous concretions in the kidneys, which often takes years after ingestion before the stones are passed with tearing of the kidney tissues, loss of blood, excruciating pain and shock.

Then, depending on size, the stone may become a bladder stone and the pain turn chronic.

The body can produce oxalate without ingesting it in food.

Back in September I went for an ultrasound, and there was a suspicion that I had a kidney stone. However, a closer look failed to confirm that.