h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On the first day of Spring, the media and Internet started buzzing with the news that a new planet-sized object had been discovered in the vicinity of Saturn. Minutes after this announcement was made, the Mahatma appeared at TBC (Trivia Broadcasting Network) headquarters in New York to reassure the people of the world that, although the new planet was, in fact, filled with lifeforms, the lifeforms were human refugees from a violent era who wanted to live in peace, and who wanted good relations with Earth now. To make the news seem sweeter, the Mahatma said that the visitors would come bearing gifts. Earth's air would become cleaner and sweeter-smelling, advanced technology would make life better for almost everyone, and a breakthrough in animal communication was going to help farmers and gardeners.

The usual nutcases got out their "The End is Near" signs, a sure sign that an end to the signs themselves was not, and never would be, near. "The National Disquieter" and its sister tabloids printed sinister pictures of Mardukians with greenish purple skin, insect-like antennae, and enough legs to make a millipede jealous.

At the United Nations, representatives from 27 countries asked the Secretary General to refuse visas to all extraterrestrials on the grounds that they were sure to be harboring microbes worse than even the Andromeda Strain.

And those were among the calmer reactions.

There is something valuable about giving people time to adjust to things, though.

The months rolled on, as they must do, and by the time August was on the wane things had settled down. Marduk had ceased to be a speck invisible to the naked eye. Now it was easily visible at night. People got used to it. They went out at night expecting to see it.

Note to Dmitri:

Here is the link to the Guide Entry with Nutshells 16-30:

A87881926

Note to everyone:

It has been fun writing this story. I only wish that the squirrels in my neighborhood were as helpful as Cutie Pie.

They have consistently chewed off the sunflowers that I planted. They've dug up the asters. They even dug up a couple of bearded irises, which I had been told would not happen. I guess the squirrels didn't know that.

Since the Post will not be running any more of this year's NaJos, Paul, how about adding that link to the bottom of your first segment? That way, anyone who is reading will automatically connect and read on.

If you're not sure how to do that, let me know.

I've added the link to the bottom of the guide entry for nutshells 1-15.

Cool.

I've reread all the nutshells in one go, and I'm surprised at how well it hangs together as a story. Probably not ready to be a commercial novel, but there must be millions of people who would like to see squirrels get what's coming to them .