h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My spirits sank very low on Christmas Eve. In the morning, I got an angry phone call from a frustrated Bambi, who had just received a surprise raid by top scientists from Marduk.

"They've taken twenty of my squirrels," she fumed, "probably setting us back at least six months. They made no promise that I would ever see them again, or get compensated for their loss if I didn't. They were high-handed, pompous, and arrogant! Grr!"

"That seems odd," I observed. "Usually they want nothing to do with squirrels. Did they say why they wanted the squirrels?"

"Their leader said, 'We need to closely examine your squirrels to see if they are really as docile as your associates have claimed.'"

"At least they were willing to allow that the squirrels *might* be \okay" I offered lamely.

"I'm in no mood to split hairs," she exclaimed. "If the squirrels come back damaged or spooked or, god forbid, dead, it's on your shoulders. We're talking $12,000 in damages." She slammed the receiver down.

I mentioned Bambi's call when Cousin Oscar's children began arriving for the Christmas Eve party I had invited them to. They were stunned at the news.

The last guest to arrive was one that hadn't been invited or even expected: Spot the Wonder Dog. Or at least what was left of him. He was gaunt and weak; his fur was uncombed, and he wore a look of defeat that broke my heart.

"I take it they spared your life?" I said.

"Barely," Spot said. "At one point I had to hide in the Mahatma's cottage. He is trying to talk sense into his fellow Mardukians, but there's still a lot of squirrel paranoia there."

We're in the home stretch.

Look for a deus ex machina.