h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bambi led us into the reception room of her lab and urged us not to be too loud. Behind her desk was a window -- which, she explained, as a one-way mirror to prevent her squirrels from panicking at the sight of visitors.

"They are currently being trained, and this takes their full concentration," she explained softly.

My heart sank when I looked through the "window." There was a row of about ten small computers, with one squirrel sitting at each. The keyboards seemed to have unusually large keys, probably designed expressly for squirrel paws.

"I was hoping that squirrel intelligence was being developed without computer technology," I told Bambi.

"I know, I read your letter about the problems on Marduk," Bambi said. "My squirrels are using a different of computer, though. Marduk's computers happened to have military software, which a few unusually clever squirrels probably learned from and taught the others."

"I didn't know that Mardukians had military plans," Peregrine said. "They seemed so peaceful and scholarly."

"They were thorough to a fault," I replied. "They would have included everything from peacemaking to warfare, with hundreds of other things thrown in. The squirrels just got lucky and happened on the war stuff first. At least that's my guess."

"We're all guessing," Bambi said. "Science is trial and error. Lots and lots of error, with occasional success. We've been teaching these squirrels for a couple of years, and it's only been six months since we cracked the squirrel code."

"Squirrel code?" the rest of us exclaimed.

"That's too loud," Bambi cautioned us. "Squirrels can learn a little English, but it's better to decipher the sounds and body signals that they communicate with. This way they can teach each other without using any of our human languages."